Before Everything
by srp2017
Summary: Is set several years before Season One and takes you through how Mike got to where he was in the series. Will be Mike-centric.
1. Chapter 1

I decided to do a prequel, will be Mike-centric (I stink at anything else). I am finishing one of my other stories and this idea kept playing in my head. Hope you enjoy. PLEASE review!

**Before Everything**

Chapter 1-September 11th, 2001

Mike had just wrapped a huge case at work. He was working night shift and was a homicide detective on the South Side of Chicago. The case involved a gang initiation that had caused a young mother and her eight-year-old daughter to be shoot. Both patients had lived, thankfully and would make a full recovery. It made him happy that he could wrap the case up before his weekend.

He and Christine had been married just shy of a year. They lived in a studio apartment close to Wrigley Field. It was an expensive area so they would have to move if they started a family. Mike wanted a houseful of kids and Christine wanted a wait a year or so and only have one to two kids. They both grew up in large Catholic families and it had rubbed off on Mike. He stopped by Christine's favorite bakery, grabbed a couple bagels and walked up to his apartment. Christine had stayed home from work the night before due to a lingering case of flu. She had been battling it for about a week; and Mike was secretly hoping it was symptoms of a pregnancy. He had three sisters and two sister-in-laws. His brothers had made sure he knew all the signs and symptoms of pregnancy and Christine was exhibiting a lot of them. As soon as he walked into the apartment, he heard Christine throwing up in the bathroom. He sit the bagels on the counter and walked into the bathroom.

"Not getting any better?" Mike asked.

"No. I called Mom and asked her to bring me some bone broth. She told me she was bringing a pregnancy test too. Be lucky if our moms, sisters and nieces and nephews don't show up soon." Christine said as she stood up, wiped of her face and grabbed her toothbrush. She and Mike had grown up in the same neighborhood and had known each other their entire lives. His younger sister, Molly was married to her brother, James and were expecting their first baby. Everyone had been making matches between the Slattery's and McGregor's for years. There were several double cousins and nieces and nephews.

"I hope they understand I need to sleep a little today and I suspect you need to too." Mike said.

"Yeah. I told her that much." Christine said. She had finished brushing her teeth and gave him a long kiss.

"Do you think your pregnant?" Mike asked with a grin. He would not be upset.

"Well, I keep throwing up. My breasts are sore and already feel swollen and my body feels different. I also haven't had a period in two months so…" Christine started and Mike threw his arms up in elation.

"Woo-hoo! So, what next? Doctor? Realtor?" Mike asked.

"Uh, pregnancy test. Just to be sure. I would say I'm about eight weeks along." Christine said.

"So, what late March, early April?" Mike asked, already making plans.

"Yeah, but Mike; its still early and I want to be sure. I've been thinking I was pregnant for about a month but…" Christine started.

"And you didn't tell me?" Mike asked.

"I wasn't sure and honestly was worried. With childcare being so expensive, I don't know if I can work unless its other shifts then you, then we'll barely see each other, and this apartment won't work for a baby and…" Christine started again.

"Chrissy, you know the tradition in both our families. You quit work now and enjoy yourself. We will find a house in our neighborhood and I'll work overtime. You can do some catering on the side when we need the money. I'm sure the moms would love to watch him." Mike said.

"Him, huh? What if it's a girl?" Christine asked.

"Or her. Chrissy, we will manage. You hate that job. I know you wanted to work your way into nursing school but you also want to be a mom." Mike said as he handed her the bagel she always wanted.

"True. I hate working in the hospital cafeteria. I can't experiment at all. I hope our house has a nice kitchen." Christine said with a dreamy look.

"I'll do my best. What the hell?" Mike asked as he looked at the TV. It was live coverage of something happening in New York City. A plane hit one of the World Trade Centers. As he and Christine watched, another plane hit the second tower and Mike knew in his gut that their world was about to change, and not because of Christine being pregnant.

"Mike, my brother and your sister? She works in Tower One and he's a cop. He'll respond to the scene. This has to be terrorism." Christine said in a quiet voice.

"Yeah…" Mike answered. His sister, Katie and Christine's brother, Adam had moved to New York City together five years before. They weren't married but the entire family knew they would eventually. Both sets of parents thought they lived separately but Mike and Christine knew better. Katie worked at one of the offices in Tower One and Adam was a sergeant with the NYPD. Nothing would be the same by that night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Before Everything**

Chapter 2-April 1st, 2002

Mike kissed his newborn daughter who was only a few hours old. He was due back to boot camp and was fortunate to have even been given leave to be with his wife when she went into labor. He had joined the Navy a couple months before and would be completing training soon, but he would be fast-tracked to the Academy. They felt due to his training as a police officer, that he would be a good Naval officer.

He joined for a lot of reasons. He wanted to make the world a safer place for his little girl mostly. He couldn't do that as a cop because his efforts were fairly local. He could serve on a grander scale in the Armed Forces and the Navy had always been alluring to him. His grandfather had fought on D-Day and then on the Pacific theater the next year. The Navy was a natural choice. So, he quit his job, moved Christine into his parent's house and joined up. His mother, who needed something to focus on since Katie died, would help with the baby who had been named for her dead daughter. Mike and Christine had named their baby girl, Kaitlyn Elizabeth with the agreement when they had a boy; the name would include some sort of homage for his uncle Adam, who had also died.

"How are you feeling?" Mike asked Christine who was shifting uncomfortably in the hospital bed.

"Sore. Ready to be home. They said I would be kept overnight, though. When do you have to go back?" Christine asked.

"Tonight. I'm sorry." Mike told her sadly. Kaitlyn made a soft noise and Mike checked to see if she was awake. Mike thought she was perfect but most people would see her as red and wrinkled up. She had a bruise on her forehead from the difficult birth. Mike and Christine didn't mind at all.

"You're almost done with boot camp. I am shocked that you were accepted into the Academy. I thought one of the admissions requirements was that you aren't married or have kids." Christine remarked.

"Helped that Dad and Granddad were both Medal of Honor recipients. With this war starting, it got looked over. I'm glad your parents are going to help us." Mike said. He would have to live on sight but Christine's parents were going to help them with a place for Christine and Kaitlyn to stay. Mike would only be able to visit occasionally but was glad they would be close. Christine would do her baking to supplement their meager income.

"We will manage. I don't know how; but we will." Christine said. Mike had barely gotten into Academy and he was determined to be the best Naval Officer he could be. He just had to be as good of a husband and father.

**June 2007**

Mike had graduated from the Academy and just been given his first orders. The Med on the Pinckney. It was his first deployment and couldn't come at a worse time. Christine was six months along with twins. They had been so careful while he was in school so she didn't get pregnant, but either her birth control hadn't worked or the condom failed, in either case, they would be parents to a set of twins in September. A boy and girl. Hannah Margaret and Lucas Adam. As he walked into their little apartment and heard Christine and Kaitlyn's voices, he gulped. How would she react? The Academy had been a huge strain on Christine. They couldn't afford for her to go home to visit, she hated Annapolis and missed her family and neighborhood. Now, he was going to be gone.

"Honey, I'm home." Mike called and Kaitlyn came running for him. He picked her up and gave her a kiss. Christine waddled up to him and gave him a short kiss before looking at him suspiciously.

"What's wrong?" Christine asked.

"I've said three words and you think something is wrong?" Mike asked.

"I know you so spill." Christine ordered.

"I've been given my orders. I ship out to the Med in early August." Mike told her quietly.

"So, you won't be here for…" Christine asked as she pointed down at her belly."

"No, I'm sorry, honey. I couldn't tell them no. You know it caused some wrinkles that I was married or had a kid when I was in Academy." Mike said.

"Gee, I'm sorry it is such an imposition to have me and Kaitlyn." Christine said. She was pregnant, hormonal and very uncomfortable.

"I didn't mean it that way and you know it. I report to Norfolk next week. It's a bit far to do a daily drive but we could look for a place. My pay is better now." Mike said.

"Or, Kaitlyn and I go back to Chicago. Mike, I am going to need help when I have the babies. Mom will help and your mom will too." Christine said.

"But I want to have you and the kids close." Mike said.

"You won't be there and I will be contending with a five-year-old and newborn twins. Think, Mike. The last four years has been all about you. I am proud that you want to serve but I can't do this on my own. If you can't be here, why can't I go where I know I'll have help?" Christine said. She had a point but Mike hated it.

"Fine." Mike said as he walked into their bedroom. Kaitlyn was playing on the living room floor and Mike had an invitation to go out with some friends. Normally, he would stay home with his wife and daughter but he needed to decompress. He stripped out of his uniform, grabbed a pair of jeans and t-shirt and put them on.

"Are you going somewhere?" Christine asked.

"Yeah, Tom and Andrea and a couple other friends are going out for drinks. I'm going with." Mike told her as he put the shirt on.

"Glad I didn't have plans." Christine said sourly.

"Chrissy, I never go out. Any free time I have, I'm here. Besides, I'm going to be deploying with them. I need to spend time with them." Mike answered.

"Of course." Christine said before walking back into the living room. All Mike could do was groan. He understood why she was upset but the past four years had been rough on him too.

**July 2008**

After a year-long deployment, Mike was ready to be home. Home being in Chicago with his wife, daughter and nine-month-old twins that he hadn't met. Christine had moved back to Chicago before the twin's birth and was living with her parents. Mike would be sent to Florida for shore duty but would be given a few months before he had to. He grabbed his checked bag on the luggage claim at O'Hare and then stepped out, looking for Christine. He groaned when he saw the van that he hated. He would not be driving a van. Christine was in the driver's seat and didn't get out. Mike threw his suitcase in the back and jumped in the passenger seat.

"Where are the kids? I wanted to see them." Mike asked as he leaned over and gave Christine a kiss.

"Mike, it's almost nine o'clock. They are at home in bed. Its too late for them to be out. My mom is watching them." Christine chastised him as she pulled away and into traffic.

"Oh." Mike answered.

"I know you want to be with the kids, but I won a couple's night. Dinner, a show and a night in a hotel. Its tomorrow. It just happened that way. I kind of need a break and your mom said she'd watch them. The babies are teething and Kaitlyn has been really needy." Christine told him.

"That actually sounds nice." Mike told her.

"Good." Christine told him with a smile. He got the feeling she had been really wanting the time away with him. She was a very dedicated mother.

"I can give the kids kisses, can't I?" Mike asked.

"Of course. Kaitlyn is an insomniac. She might be awake and as I said the twins are teething. They don't sleep much." Christine explained.

"I'm here for a couple months and we're doing a bit better. Do you want to try and find a place?" Mike asked.

"When will you be deployed next?" Christine asked. They were getting close to the neighborhood they grew up in.

"I don't know. My CO was talking about me going to Mayport for a year. I know you prefer Chicago but its Florida and shore duty." Mike answered.

"I would be alright with that. Florida is expensive though." Christine said.

"No more than Chicago. Once we get home and I get settled, I can start looking. I would really love to have you and the kids close. I miss you all." Mike said.

"We miss you too." Christine told him.

Christine pulled into her parent's driveway. Mike looked over to his own parent's home but the lights were all off. They had not handled Katie's death well at all and Mike becoming a Naval Officer had been a constant cause of concern. He would go over first thing in the morning for a cup of coffee with his dad and so his mom could fuss over him. He could already hear her saying, 'You're too thin, Michael,' and his dad saying, 'Are you really okay, Son?'

As soon as they walked in, Mike heard the baby's crying and Kaitlyn came running to him. He put his suitcase down and picked her up. She cuddled up and kissed his cheek. Christine had gone to help her mom with the babies and Mike took the moment with his oldest. She was growing up too fast.

"I missed you, Daddy." Kaitlyn said.

"I missed you too, baby." Mike told her. He sat her back down on the floor but took her hand in his. He wanted to meet Hannah and Lucas.

"Can you tuck me in, Daddy?" Kaitlyn asked.

"You bet, but can I meet the babies first?" Mike asked and Kaitlyn gave him a happy smile.

"Yeah. They're cute. I'll brush my teeth." Kaitlyn told him. She was a very mature little girl and he was missing out on so much. He walked downstairs where Christine had taken over the basement. It would give them a bit of separation and privacy. Christine was holding Hannah and her mom; Sarah was holding Lucas.

"Here, I can take him." Mike said and Sarah handed Lucas over. The baby boy looked at Mike and started screaming, which caused Hannah to start crying in earnest. Sarah had already gone back upstairs and so Mike looked to Christine for help.

"Just give him a minute. He doesn't know you yet. Lucas, its okay; its Daddy." Christine told the baby. Lucas did calm a little hearing her voice and looked at Mike suspiciously. It was moments like this that Mike hated being in the Navy and gone so much. Hannah was also looking at him like he was a monster.

"Is this what the next ten years is going to be like?" Mike asked.

"Mike, it'll get better. They are just tired and within a day or so, you'll be a favorite person. Just be patient. Love them anyways." Christine told him as she laid Hannah down in a crib and indicated the other crib. Mike laid Lucas down and turned a mobile on. Kaitlyn came back in and Christine smiled at him. "Go with her and I'll settle them down." Christine insisted. Mike leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you." Mike told her.

"I love you too, and I will take a foot and back massage in exchange." Christine teased.

"The last time I gave you a massage, we ended up with twins." Mike teased back.

"That is not happening again. Remember, I took the crib out and put the playpen in." Christine joked. After the twins were born, she had her tubes tied. Mike wanted a larger family but he had to understand, he wasn't home to help her anymore.

"Sounds like fun." Mike said before walking into the little bedroom where Kaitlyn slept. She was already in bed, waiting on him with a book in hand.

"Read to me, Daddy?" Kaitlyn asked. Mike sat down next her, helped her get comfortable and then began reading the Dr. Suess book. By the fifth page, Kaitlyn was asleep. Mike kissed her again and shut her light off and shut the door. Christine had gotten the twins to sleep and was waiting on Mike.

"Ready for bed? I figured you would want to go over to your mom and dad's in the morning. They've missed you a lot." Christine said as she put her arms around his neck and gave him a kiss.

"Yeah, what time do the kids wake up?" Mike asked.

"You go to your parents. I'll handle the kids. Mike, in the last year, all your brothers and sisters have moved away. They're feeling a bit lost. My mom and dad still have most of us still around her. Molly and James in Dallas, Katie and Adam are dead, Bridgett moved to California and so on. Molly and James are talking about moving back and that will help if we end up in Florida with you." Christine said as she gave him a few more kisses.

"I really hope you guys come to Florida." Mike said as he kissed her back and led her to their small bedroom.

"It would beat the winter here." Christine said.

"Plus, I'll be there." Mike told her. They had made it to the bedroom, locked the door and Mike had gotten Christine's t-shirt off.

"Sorry, Mike; I haven't lost all the weight from the twins." Christine said as he lowered her to the bed.

"I don't mind." Mike said as he began taking his own clothes off.

"You look great. Really in shape." Christine said.

"What spare time I have, I work out. Nothing else to do other than work and sleep." Mike told her.

"Good, I like it." Christine told him as she pulled him onto the bed with her. Mike had to say, he was thrilled to be home.

**In this story, I put Hannah and Lucas as twins. In the episode 'Nostos' they looked close to the same age in Mike's flashbacks, so I took the creative license in this story. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Before Everything**

Chapter 3-Mayport, Florida

Christine loved the little cottage that they had moved into. It was off-base, 3 bedrooms with an office that could be used as a bedroom, two bathroom and perfect for their growing family. On Mike's days off, they drove to the beach. The kids were growing and were healthy. Mike had made some connections with other officers and their wives, which gave them babysitters so when he and Christine wanted to go out. They had to trade babysitting but it worked out. He and Christine got at least one date night a month and had even taken salsa dancing lessons.

The one downfall was that as long as Mike stayed on land, he was not going to advance. Mike was ready to deploy even if Christine wanted to stay in Florida. They had been in Florida for three years. Kaitlyn was in school and the twins would be in preschool the next year. He had a been ordered to Naval Station Newport in Rhode Island and the fight was on. Christine hated Rhode Island without never being there and had threatened to take the kids back to Chicago. The drive to Rhode Island was a long and silent one.

Mike had gotten them into an updated Colonial-style home that Christine would love. He had a couple months before he deployed and he would spend that time settling Christine and the kids in. Getting Kaitlyn and the twins adjusted to their new schools and spend some one on one time with his wife. He figured that would help more than anything.

**Two Months Later**

The kids adjusted well enough but Christine still hated Rhode Island. She had gotten a little job baking breads, pies and rolls for a coffee shop. Something she could do from home. If it wasn't for that, Mike and Christine would argue constantly. He walked into their house with a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates and his expected deployment date. Christine was working in the kitchen drizzling chocolate on croissants.

"Honey, I'm home." Mike said before getting into the kitchen. Christine had flour on her cheek and some sort of chocolate splattered on her apron.

"Hey." Christine said simply before looking up to see Mike. She smiled when she saw the flowers and chocolate. They'd had an argument the night before and Mike was smart enough to make up to his wife. He didn't want any animosity between them since he was deploying in a week. He laid the items down on the table and pulled Christine into a hug. He even got a kiss in response. "What's wrong? You only bring flowers and chocolate home when something is wrong." Christine asked.

"I brought it home to make up for last night." Mike answered.

"And?" Christine asked as she finished the croissants.

"I deploy next week, Chrissy. Med on the Pinckney." Mike answered. He could see the crestfallen look on Christine's face and prepared for another argument.

"I see. How long?" Christine asked.

"They think six months but they aren't sure. With the war going on…" Mike said.

"I know. No exact dates." Christine said. Mike could hear the tears in her voice. She typically responded with anger so tears were something new.

"Is something going on?" Mike asked.

"Dad called this morning. Mom had a biopsy yesterday. Had a lump on her left breast. The results and scans are back. She has cancer everywhere. Liver, kidneys, lungs, a spot on her brain, throat. They've given her six months." Christine said and Mike pulled her into a hug. She had began sobbing into his chest and he just held her. She and her mom were close.

"I'm so sorry, honey." Mike said. He kissed Christine's neck and just held her close. He didn't know what else to do.

"She wants to come here for a week or so. She's wanting to spend time with all of us kids before she gets too weak. I told her it was fine. I told Dad I could come back to Chicago to take care of her but she doesn't want that. She doesn't want me to pull the kids out of school." Christine said.

"You do whatever you think is best. I can't get out of the deployment though…" Mike said and Christine nodded.

"I didn't figure you could. Its okay. I'd like to have you here but I understand." Christine said.

"When do you need to deliver these?" Mike asked.

"Actually, they are picking them up." Christine answered just as the doorbell rang. As she and Mike talked, she had been packaging the croissants up and Mike answered the door. He didn't know the woman well that Christine worked with but led her through the house. After a short conversation, the woman had left with the baked goods and Christine began cleaning the kitchen up. Mike helped her and within fifteen minutes they were done.

"Would you like to go out for lunch or something? Twins don't get home until two thirty, correct?" Mike asked.

"You have the morning off?" Christine asked.

"Yep, rest of the day." Mike answered.

"Good, I have some other plans. Since we don't have kids at home, follow me." Christine said as she pulled Mike through the house, up the stairs and to their master bedroom. She had locked the front door on her way through and as soon as they got to the bedroom, she took his BDU jacket off.

"I like how you think. So much better than a lunch out." Mike said as he returned Christine's kisses and began pulling her clothes off.

**Eight Months Later**

Mike's deployment had been extended by two months and while he was gone, Christine's mom had died. Her dad had a massive heart attack three days after the funeral and had died. Mike hadn't been able to get home and Christine had been tasked with going through their house since the kids were out of school and she didn't work at a traditional job. Mike's parents had helped some but Christine was overwhelmed. All Mike really wanted was to go home to their little Colonial in Rhode Island, but instead as soon as his feet hit dry land, he caught a flight to Chicago and arrived at his parent's home where Christine and the kids were staying.

The one good thing about the deployment was that Mike's CO had told him that he had probably one more deployment before he was promoted to Commander. It would mean another move, probably to Norfolk but Mike was ready.

As soon as he walked in the door at his childhood home, he was assailed by his own kids and two or three of his nieces and nephews. Christine gave him a hug and kiss and his mom began fussing over him. His dad had opened a cold beer for him and a plate of hot food was put in front of him. Lucas was sitting on his lap and Hannah was at his elbow. He would help Christine finish her parent's house, drive his family back to Rhode Island and then pack his own house up to go to Norfolk. Christine knew about the move and was actually welcoming it because they had more friends in Norfolk. Tom, Darien, Andrea and Bill. Tom was helping Mike find a house while Mike attended to his family.

Things were a bit tight in Mike's parents' home and Mike and Christine had shared the bed that night with Hannah and Lucas. Kaitlyn had come in about two am and the queen-sized bed seemed tiny. It was nice to cuddle with the kids but Mike would have preferred to spend the night with his wife.

Mike's mom and dad were happy to watch their grandchildren so Mike could help Christine get through her parent's home that much faster. Christine was meeting with a realtor later that day and thankfully the house was in good repair and was updated. One of Christine's brothers would do upkeep on the yard and hopefully the house would sell quickly. Until it did, for whatever reason, Christine was tasked with talking with realtors and attorneys. Some of her other siblings lived closer, but Christine had always been the responsible sort. All Mike could do was help his wife go through things, separate them for her feuding siblings, and hold her when she cried.

"If things go as I plan, we can leave Friday night for Newport. I figured we would hit the road about ten. The kids could sleep and by the time they wake up, we will be through the rougher part of the drive. It will take about sixteen hours, provided we don't have any bouts of car sickness and the twins don't have to go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes." Christine said as she went through her mom's china.

"How good of time did you make when you drove here?" Mike asked.

"Well, it was longer than sixteen hours. I figured you and I could trade off and maybe drive harder than what I could by myself. I ended up stopping about twelve hours in, east of Toledo because I couldn't handle driving anymore. Kids arguing, and I was tired. It was ridiculous to stop but I needed to get here." Christine admitted.

"Stay in a hotel?" Mike asked.

"Yeah. Dad gave me the money to pay for it once I got here. He knew we really didn't have the extra." Christine said quietly. Mike could hear the tears in her voice. She had been prepared for her mom's death, but her dads was a shock and Christine had been a daddy's girl. She and Frank just got each other. Mike walked up behind Christine and wrapped his arms around her.

"Your dad adored you. He was proud of you. He and your mom had such a love story." Mike told her. Christine had turned around and was sobbing into his chest.

"He wanted me to go to culinary school so badly. He made me promise that once you made commander and we could afford it; I would figure out a way to go. He even left me some money for it. God, I miss him." Christine finally said.

"Then as soon as we get settled, we will find you a culinary school and we'll make it happen. We won't even wait for me to become a commander. You've been putting off your dreams for long enough. The kids are in school now. Only thing I ask is that you make me a meal every now and then. All that cooking will wear you out." Mike said.

"Absolutely. You're the one who can't bake a frozen pizza." Christine teased.

"All because I thought grilling it would make it taste better." Mike said.

"You left the cardboard on. Maybe the grill wouldn't have been a bad idea but the cardboard did nothing for the taste." Christine teased. Mike still had his arms around her and brushed a kiss on her cheek.

**Two Years Later**

Mike hated promotion ceremonies but he was glad to have finally made Commander. He and Christine had bought a house in Norfolk because it seemed he would be settled there for a while. It was a fixer upper and he was slowly getting his projects done. Christine was still in culinary school and loved it. It required Mike to do a little more laundry and cleaning when he was home but it was worth it. She had lit up and Mike got to eat all the leftovers.

His next deployment would be as an XO, something he wasn't quite ready for. It was also Tom's first run as a Captain. They were given the keys to the Nathan James. It would be a whole new experience for both of them and they were nervous. Andrea would be their CHENG and the Master Chief; Russ Jeter was experienced. That would be their saving grace.

The kids were growing up on Mike and if it wasn't for Christine being in school, he would have suggested having another baby. Kaitlyn was now ten, almost eleven and the twins were seven. Mike was not a fan of them getting older. They weren't so interested in cuddling with him anymore, although Hannah could be convinced occasionally.

His parents were getting older and Mike didn't get to see them as often as he would like. They had come to Norfolk a couple times and Mike could see a steady decline. He could only hope that he wasn't deployed when something happened to them. He had a strong suspicion that they would go like Sarah and Frank had.


	4. Chapter 4

C

**Before Everything**

Chapter 4

As Mike suspected his parents went within six months of each other. His mom died from leukemia and his dad had a stroke. First him and then her. Fortunately, he was able to get home to tell his mom goodbye. They were buried next to each other, two rows from Christine's parents and next to Katie's pseudo grave. They had never located her remains, like so many others that died in the Twin Towers so to give themselves closure, they bought a burial plot and had a headstone set. They were wrong, because it never gave his parent's the closure they desired, and it never helped Katie's siblings.

Mike had done most of Christine's remodeling projects. The only one lacking was the kitchen. She wanted a gourmet kitchen and he was on a galley budget. As always, they'd meet in the middle with him compromising just a bit more. It was minor compared to some of their other arguments. He was never home. He wasn't home when he was home. She was tired of raising the kids alone and when he did get home, they never got a chance to just be a couple. Mike couldn't remember the last time they had even had dinner together alone.

It came to a head when Mike turned down a desk job in Miami. He wanted his own command and it would never happen at a desk. Christine didn't want to uproot the kids, but she had loved Florida. There would be work opportunities for her because Norfolk wasn't known for its fine dining. Christine wanted to work in a restaurant but had settled for catering for fancy dinners. Her clientele was growing, and her food was raved about. Mike found himself being invited to parties at Admirals homes so they could get Christine's information. He was not used to his wife being more successful than him.

She called him sexist at times and maybe it was true. His opinion had always been that once they had kids, she needed to be at home with them and he would make the ends meet. He had encouraged her to go to culinary school and was proud of her, but he missed his slightly insecure, easy to please wife. He could sooth her insecurities and a simple bouquet of flowers made her happy. If he really screwed up, a new kitchen gadget would do the job. She was not thrilled that he was deploying over the summer and reminded him that the kids needed him. He reminded her that he would be home for the holidays. The last night, before he was set to deploy, she had to cater some big event. It was after eleven before she got home, and the kids had been in bed for two hours. Mike decided to sleep in his bedroom, if Christine didn't like it, she could sleep on the couch. He would prefer to sleep next to his wife, but that hadn't happened in six months or better.

"What are you doing in here?" Christine said as she walked into the master bedroom. She was unbuttoning her chef's jacket and kicking her shoes off.

"I deploy tomorrow and wanted to sleep in a bed." Mike said.

"I know when you deploy, and Lucas would share with you in a heartbeat." Christine said.

"He's in a twin-sized bed and I'm six-four. That would work for about a half second. I'm sleeping in here. If you don't like it, you can sleep on the couch." Mike replied.

"Why the sudden change of heart?" Christine said with her arms folded over her chest.

"Chrissy, I never didn't want to sleep in here with you. No change of heart. I just want to sleep in a bed next to my wife. I would prefer you stay in here, by the way." Mike said. He had softened his voice and gestured for Christine to come closer. He was shocked when she did.

"How long are you going to be gone?" Christine asked. He knew he had told her that before but didn't want to pick a fight. He would just answer her.

"Four months, tops. Back by Thanksgiving." Mike told her.

"If I can save up the money between now and then and can find a place for the kids; do you think you and I can go do something; maybe over a weekend. Virginia Beach, maybe? Just you and I." Christine asked. She had sat down on the bed next to him.

"I would love that." Mike agreed. It was an odd request because Christine had not seemed to want anything like that.

"We haven't done anything like that in years. If ever." Christine said.

"While I'm gone, I've made you my power of attorney, as you know. Mom and Dad's house might close, and it was paid off. I don't know if there will be much of an inheritance from it, but the attorney has been given your information. We could put the money towards a weekend out." Mike said as Christine stood up and walked to her dresser. She was getting her nightclothes out.

"You don't want it to go towards the house?" Christine asked.

"Chrissy, the prudent thing to do would be to save it for the house, but you and I aren't doing so well, mostly because of me. I am afraid if we don't do something for the two of us, we will end up needing to sell the house because we're divorcing. I want to save our marriage. I don't know if you're in the same place I am where that's concerned, but I think this is something we have to do for both of our sanity." Mike said.

"I agree. Part of the reason I asked was to see how you reacted. You reacted how I hoped you would. And yes, before you get mad; I bated you. I wanted to see if you valued our marriage." Christine replied. She was standing at the bathroom door.

"Chrissy, if I had thought you wanted a weekend out, I would have figured it out before now. I wish I had more time." Mike said. His deployment had been unexpected, and they had to change the course of their summer at home because of it.

"Me too. I'd better go take a shower. I'm exhausted." Christine said before walking into their bathroom. Mike knew that he should have gone to sleep but decided to wait up. Christine had always loved when he massaged her back and he hadn't done that in a long time. Finally, she came out in her pajamas with her dark brown hair in a loose braid. She looked surprised to see Mike still awake.

"Come here. I realized how long it had been before I gave you a massage." Mike said as he held his hand out to her. She took it and sat down on the edge of the bed. Mike sat up behind her and began massaging her back, just how she liked.

"This feels so good." Christine said.

"Good. Foot massage too?" Mike asked.

"That would be nice." Christine said.

The next morning, Mike smiled down at his still sleeping wife. He hadn't gotten as much sleep as he probably needed to get but he never did the night before a deployment. The massages had their desired effect and Mike and Christine spent a few hours reacquainting themselves with each other. It had been a long time since they had done that, and it felt good. Mike got out of the bed and took a shower, knowing he'd have to leave soon. Christine and the kids never went to the dock when he was leaving because he liked his goodbyes to be private. He felt it was too hard on the kids to say goodbye in front of other people. As he was putting his summer whites on, Christine woke up.

"Morning." Mike said.

"Yeah. Wow, what a night." Christine said with a smile. Mike handed her the pajamas that had gotten thrown on the floor the night before. Now that they were talking, one of the kids were liable to walk in. As Christine dressed, Mike unlocked the door.

"It was incredible. You're amazing." Mike said. He bent down and gave her a kiss on the lips.

"You should give me more massages." Christine teased.

"I definitely should." Mike agreed with a grin.

"What time do you have be at the dock?" Christine asked.

"We have a system's test at nine. I need to be there before. Its six now." Mike answered.

"I'll wake the kids up. Fix some breakfast." Christine said as she stood up. She gave Mike a kiss and walked into the bathroom. Their marriage was far from fixed, but Mike felt a bit more hope. After her fast shower, Christine went and woke the kids up and started breakfast. Mike got his morning cuddles in with the kids. He hugged and kissed each of the kids. The twins would be eight and Kaitlyn had turned thirteen. They were growing too fast. They gave Mike their deployment gifts; including an IPOD that had recorded messages from the kids. There was new photos and cards for Mike to read throughout the deployment. Christine had somehow come up with a box of baked goods for Mike to take with him. Russ Jeter was picking him up and would be there by eight-thirty.

Goodbyes were never easy. The kids always cried and generally, Christine cried too. Mike just hid his tears. He hugged, kissed and exchanged 'I love you's' one more time before grabbing his rucksack, Christine's box of baked goodies and left. As he walked to Russ' vehicle, he looked back. Hannah's little face was in the living room window and she was waving at him. With his free hand, he blew her a kiss and got in Russ' vehicle.

"I never could look back." Russ commented as he backed out of the driveway.

"I shouldn't have. Its harder on the kids. I'm hoping I can stay home for awhile after this deployment." Mike commented. It had been back-to-back deployments for a while.

"Maybe you'll have your own command next time." Russ replied.

"I can hope." Mike answered. As his house disappeared from the rearview mirror, he would start his countdown until he got home and got to kiss his kids again. Kiss his wife again.

**I was originally going to end this story here, but I might do one more chapter, telling about Mike's reaction to the news of Lucas' death and his family's predicament after the Red Flu. Maybe how Christine reacted too.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Before Everything**

Chapter 5

Mike was thankful that he had the comms room to himself to make his call. Being XO had few privileges and Mike rarely exercised them, but it had just been assumed that he would have the room to himself when he made the call. Of course, he called the house phone first but wasn't connected. He didn't expect to be. Like most military spouses, Christine always kept her cellphone on her. If cell towers were up, she'd answer. He wasn't sure if he wanted her to answer or not. His heart had dropped as soon as Rachel had told what was happening. Did he want to confirm that? On the third ring, Christine picked up and he immediately heard the pain and tension in her voice.

"_Christine, its me. We just got to where we could call, and we've heard what's happening back there." Mike said. _

"_Oh, God Mike; its terrible here." Christine responded._

"_Are you at home?" Mike asked._

"_No. I probably should go home though. I took the girls to a safe zone. Deer Park, here in Virginia." Christine explained. Something was off in the way she said it. _

"_Girls? What about Lucas?" Mike asked._

"_Mike, he died last month. I'm really sorry. He went quickly. The doctor told me that he thinks his heart gave out before the disease took him." Christine explained. Mike was gulping his emotions down._

"_How…how did he catch it?" Mike asked._

"_That summer camp that he and Hannah were supposed to go to. They both went but she didn't contract it. He did. I didn't realize what was happening when I sent them. It was the early days of the virus here." Christine said. _

"_So, he died but she didn't and was exposed?" Mike asked. _

"_Yes, but that's a moot point." Christine said. He could hear a hint of anger in her voice. _

"_I'm just trying to get a picture as to what is going on back there." Mike said._

_"The picture is; the kids are scared and worried about you. Most of their friends have died. Their brother died and their father is cruising around the ocean. I don't know where the next meal is coming from or if we are safe to go home." Christine said._

"_I'm okay. It is probably safer for you all to go home." Mike said._

"_Mike; I'd like to but going home without Lucas is going to hurt. How long until you get back?" Christine said._

"_I don't know. I will try and get home as soon as possible. Can you tell Kaitlyn…" Mike started. _

"_You want me to tell Kaitlyn you love her, but not Hannah? Mike, she can't help that she didn't get sick and she is totally lost without Lucas. She cries all the time. How unfair!" Christine said._

"_I was going to say, 'and Hannah' that I love them." Mike responded. _

"_Sure, whatever!" Christine said._

"_Chrissy, I cannot fix this. I wish I could. I am not going to argue with you. Try and get home and stay there." Mike insisted._

"_And how do you think I'll feed the girls? Myself? Mike, you have no idea what its like here." Christine answered._

"_I don't know but I am positive you'll find a way. Chrissy, I have to go. Other people want to call their families. Just…I love you all. Please be safe." Mike answered._

"_We love you too, Mike. Please take care of yourself. _

"_I will. Can you give the girls a kiss for me?" Mike asked. _

"_Of course." Christine said before hanging up. _

Mike would never claim to be a smart person. Yes, it took some intelligence to be a Naval officer, but when you looked at someone like Doctor Scott; he was pretty dumb. Still, one thought nagged at him. Hannah being exposed and not contracting the Red Flu, while her twin brother died from it. It didn't make sense to him. From what he understood, if you were exposed; you died. What made Hannah special?

Before he got a chance to ask Doctor Scott, they were dealing with Admiral Ruskov firing the nuclear missile on France, finding the cruise ship, dealing with Frankie's death and hightailing it across the Atlantic. At one point, Mike thought they were going to get to go home, but Tom squashed that. Mike would have never mutinied, but he didn't agree with Tom. Their mission was to escort Rachel Scott to the Arctic so she could find the samples she needed. They had done that.

Then it was dealing with Ruskov again near Cuba, narrowly escaping him. Then Tom and Tex were taken hostage. Mike had not forgotten about his daughter surviving but other things took precedence. Finally, Rachel Scott started the human trials. At the most dire point, when Rachel was arguing with taking so much Bertrise's blood, Mike finally spoke up.

"Doc, I may know someone else who might be naturally immune, problem is; we'll have to find her." Mike told her quietly.

"Who? I need to study…" Rachel said.

"My younger daughter, Hannah. She was my son's twin. She was exposed when he was, he died, and she didn't contract it." Mike explained.

"We have to find her, and I also would like to take a blood sample from you. I need to determine if immunity is hereditary." Rachel said. She was now rushing around finding blood sample supplies.

"Take the sample from me but we will never convince Tom to go find her. Besides, I don't want this happening with her. She is just a little girl. Bertrise is having trouble, is she not?" Mike asked.

"She is, but if it is your daughter that can save the human race; wouldn't you want that? Wouldn't she want that?" Rachel asked.

"Hannah is eight years old. She doesn't know what she wants right now." Mike remarked.

"Let's see what happens here but we need to find her. We have to find her." Rachel explained.

"And you'll help me explain that to Tom?" Mike asked.

"Yes. We are already setting a course towards Norfolk. Your daughter has to be priority one once we get on land." Rachel said.

"And my wife and other daughter? I can't just leave them." Mike questioned.

"We'll need to study them too." Rachel said.

"Okay, number one; Christine, Kaitlyn and Hannah are not test subjects. They are people. My people. I will not allow them to be a science experiment." Mike said.

"The thing is, as dire as this is becoming; you may not have an option. Their bodies may not be their own if things don't work out here. Now, I don't want to do that, especially to children." Rachel explained.

"I hope it doesn't come to that. I won't stand for it and their mother definitely won't." Mike argued.

"Let's just see what happens. It may not come to that, but I do need to see what makes her different, that she would be naturally immune. How she differs from Bertrise. Bertrise made a remark that she was always sick as a child; what about Hannah?" Rachel asked. She had already taken Mike's blood sample and was putting supplies away.

"She was colicky as a baby. Has mild asthma and some seasonal allergies. Typical childhood illnesses. Nothing crazy or extreme." Mike said.

"No auto-immune disorders?" Rachel asked.

"I have no idea. I don't know what you're talking about." Mike admitted. Christine took care of their kid's medical appointments. He knew the generics. His kids were healthy. That was all that mattered to him. Asthma was their biggest hiccup and it wasn't even severe.

"Okay, a normal person's system fights infections and such naturally. Someone with auto immune disease has problems with their auto immune system attacking bones, joints, organs, etc. Diabetes, thyroid problems, arthritis and several gastro-intestinal issues are grouped with auto-immune diseases." Rachel explained.

"As far as I know, my kids didn't have any of those problems. Normal childhood illnesses. Colds, flu, Chicken Pox, a few bad sunburns, Kaitlyn's eyes are great but nothing extreme." Mike told her.

"Okay, or the problem hasn't developed or been diagnosed yet. They could show a predisposition for it." Rachel said.

"That isn't for me to figure out. I just know, I have healthy, happy; well-adjusted kids. Nothing else mattered." Mike explained.

"And now? Their brother and most of their friends have died." Rachel asked.

"From what Christine said, Hannah is completely lost without Lucas. She cries a lot." Mike said.

"Its that twin connection. Something no scientist can understand or explain." Rachel said.

"They could always read each other's minds. It was like they just knew what the other was going to do or think before it happened. Kaitlyn sometimes felt a little left out because of it. She had become such a mini adult. When I was home, she would do yard work and repairs with me and help Christine clean house and cook. Hannah and Lucas just played together all the time. We had to put them in separate classes at school, so they developed some independence from each other. Lucas hated it. He didn't like school much and Hannah was his best friend. He cried for a week solid when we did it." Mike explained. He wasn't even sure why he was telling Rachel about it.

"You're worried about her." Rachel commented.

"I am. Christine thought I resented her for surviving and maybe I did a little, but she is…very sensitive. My cuddler. I hate that she is having to go through this." Mike commented.

"You know something about the loss of a sibling?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, my sister Katie. Died on September 11th. She was in Tower One. Christine's brother; Adam was a cop who also died. They had been together almost as long as Christine and I." Mike said.

"You and Katie were close?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah. I grew up in a large family, but Katie and I were eleven months apart, so we were particularly close. She is who Kaitlyn was named for." Mike explained.

"I see. How long have you and Christine been together?" Rachel asked.

"Well, we've been married for almost sixteen years, but we have been together since we were babies. Our parents lived across the street from one another and our mothers would spend the day baking, cooking, sewing, playing cards and just visiting. Christine and I shared a crib as babies, and she gave me my first kiss in first grade. By fifth, we were dating, if you can call it that when you're eleven. By fourteen we were dating officially, engaged when were nineteen and married by twenty-two." Mike said.

"That's amazing. I have to be honest; I didn't imagine you as that sort of man when we first met. I figured you were a 'love 'em and leave 'em sort." Rachel remarked.

"Nah. I have only been with Christine and honestly cannot imagine even thinking about another woman. We had our troubles, but we were making a consorted effort to make time for one another. Not sure now that we've lost Lucas what will happen. A lot of couples also lose their marriages when they've lost a child." Mike commented.

"Or it might bring you closer. You and she can grieve together. What happened to your parents? To her parents once they lost a child." Rachel asked.

"They got closer. It was like they were the only one who understood the other partner's grief." Mike said.

"Probably exactly what drew them closer. Don't go into this thinking that you and Christine may not stay married. Go into that you are going to stay married, period and that you are there for her, whatever emotion." Rachel said.

"You sure you're not a psychiatrist too?" Mike asked.

"No. I'm terrible with people." Rachel said with a laugh.

"If you say so. So, you will advocate that we need to find my girls?" Mike asked.

"Yeah. We don't need to find them; we must find them. I'll tell the Captain that you mentioned that your daughter had been exposed when her twin died and that I have to study her genetic structure, as well as your other daughter and your wife's genetic structure. Meanwhile, we will pull these guys through this, and I will study your DNA. See if there are any similarities to Bertrise that would indicate a genetic anomaly that would make you or your children immune." Rachel said. She was covering his tail and making a way to find his family.

"Thanks, Doc." Mike said before leaving the lab. He just hoped Rachel could figure things out. He selfishly wanted his wife and daughters with him, even if it meant that Hannah would be poked and prodded. She would be safe.

**I thought I was done with this story, but I had a brainstorm…bear with me! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Before Everything**

Chapter 6

Baltimore was a fiasco and Mike was even more worried about his family. The Maryland State Trooper had told him that there had been fighting at Deer Park. Rachel had made Tom realize that finding Hannah was priority number one and he was easily convinced once Darien died. Rachel had a cure, but she made it clear that she had to study Hannah's DNA structure and figure out how it differed from Bertrise's.

Mike was disappointed when he got to Deer Park, and Christine and the girls were nowhere around. He found a few of their items, including a photo album. They made the decision to go to the house. The other land teams were inoculating people anyways. When he and Tex pulled up to the house and it looked empty, Mike was scared. What if he didn't find his family?

Tex stayed outside and Mike unlocked his front door and walked in. Everything was covered in a layer of dust. Normally, it would have drove him crazy. Christine was a good housekeeper. He was beginning to lose all hope when he heard a crying noise from the master bedroom. He peeked in, thinking it might be a squatter. He saw Hannah sitting next to the bed and Christine and Kaitlyn laying on the bed. They were both still breathing but were not in good shape.

"Hannah, its okay. I'm here now." Mike told her as he walked into the bedroom that he had shared with Christine for a couple years.

"Mommy and Kaitlyn are really sick, and I'm scared." Hannah said as she buried her little face into his leg. Mike had already began drawing up the cure.

"I have to give them a shot." Mike explained. He gave Christine's her's first and then gave one to Kaitlyn. Hannah was still hugging his leg. Mike let Tex know to come inside. He needed Hannah away from the situation. Within just a minute, Tex was at the bedroom door. When he saw the state that Christine and Kaitlyn were in, he gently pulled Hannah away from Mike.

"Its pretty late." Tex remarked.

"Yeah. If you look in my bag, there's a couple granola bars and some water. Can you see that she eats?" Mike asked.

"Sure. Let's go, little lady." Tex said as he took Hannah's hand. Mike handed her a teddy bear that she had always carried with her and pushed her to follow Tex. He was not entirely sure that Christine and Kaitlyn were going to make it. He didn't want Hannah to watch that.

Three hours later, Christine and Kaitlyn both woke up. They were extremely weak, and Mike had to care for them. He bathed them and fed them some chicken soup he had found and heated using the fireplace. He had to carry them both to the Jeep and he knew getting them to the James was going to be an experience. He had been in communication with Rachel the entire time, and she was waiting on them on the deck. Christine and Kaitlyn were whisked away to the medical bay where Rios would take over their care, and Hannah's blood tests began.

Hannah hated needles and Mike had to hold her down for Rachel to get the samples. She also needed a bath and a hot meal in her belly. Mike was trying desperately to not resent her. She was scared and crying for Christine and Kaitlyn. Rachel was surprisingly good with her and seemed to sense Mike's hesitancy with her. He busied himself, making sure Bacon sent down a child-friendly meal with Hannah's favorite macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets and chocolate milk. Even if he resented his child, he would still make sure she was fed and reasonably happy. She deserved that.

Christine and Kaitlyn were still very weak but were taking fluids and were awake. Mike made the decision not to tell Christine about the tests that Hannah was going through. He would tell her once she was on better footing. He knew he would regret it and Christine had a right to know, but she was so sick.

Before Mike took Hannah back to his quarters to put her to bed, he took her to the medical bay. He felt she would sleep better if she saw that her mom and sister were on the mend and Christine would also rest better. Mike lifted Hannah up and Christine immediately noticed the bandage on Hannah's arm.

"What happened, baby?" Christine asked Hannah.

"Daddy made that lady stick needles in me. It hurt!" Hannah told her. Christine gave Mike a look.

"Why, Mike?" Christine asked.

"Our virologist needs to study her DNA structure, figure out what makes her different. Not a biggie." Mike said, downplaying what had happened. He didn't need to tell Christine that he had to hold Hannah down, her hyperventilating or that there might be more tests later.

"It hurt, Mommy. And Daddy wouldn't let me go. He wasn't even holding me nice." Hannah complained.

"Mike?" Christine asked.

"I had to hold her down, okay? She hates needles." Mike said.

"I know that. I can't believe this, Mike. I know you're…not happy but she is a little girl. How could you?" Christine asked.

"I was doing what I thought best. She'll forget about it soon enough." Mike said. Kaitlyn had gone to sleep, and Rios was letting Hannah play with his stethoscope.

"Just, the next time; talk to me before you let our child be a lab rat. I know how to calm her down." Christine insisted.

"Yes, ma'am. Hannah, its bedtime." Mike said as he reached a handout, Hannah sidestepped him, obviously still suspicious of Mike.

"You'll be alright, Hannah. I love you." Christine told her. He lifted the little girl up to give Christine a kiss. Christine whispered something in Hannah's ear and Hannah nodded at her.

"I will, Mommy; it just hurt." Hannah said.

"I know. Give your dad good cuddles. He needs them." Christine said giving Mike a look.

"I do. Chrissy, I love you." Mike told her as he bent down and gave Christine a kiss on the cheek. He'd already given Kaitlyn her kiss before she fell asleep and he didn't want to wake her up.

"Love you too." Christine said. Hannah let Mike take her hand and lead her out of the medical bay.

"Is Mommy and Kaitlyn going to be okay?" Hannah asked Mike.

"Yeah, they just gotta get their strength back. I know you like your baths better, but I only have a shower. If you need help, I can have one of my female crewmembers help you?" Mike offered. Hannah was just old enough that he didn't need to help her with her showers.

"Its okay." Hannah said. They were walking down the p-ways towards Mike's cabin.

"We'll get you your shower and get you settled into bed. I bet your tired." Mike said. He was simply making conversation with Hannah. He didn't really know how to act with her. He knew that it was wrong of him to resent her for living when Lucas had died. He wished his parents were still alive to ask if it was a normal reaction. They reached his cabin and Mike was thankful to see the bags that Tex had packed for Christine and the girls, along with Hannah's teddy bear, the photo album, and a basket of toiletries that would be more of interest to his wife and daughters than him.

Mike showed Hannah how to start the shower and stayed in his bedroom area to hear her if she needed anything. She finally came out about ten minutes later, with the water still running.

"Daddy, I couldn't get the water to shut off." Hannah told him.

"I'll get it. Brush your hair." Mike told her as he handed her the brush and then walked into the bathroom. He took a deep breath and then walked back in. Hannah was staring at the brush like it was a foreign object.

"Mommy always braids my hair before bed. Can't you?" Hannah asked.

"Uh…no. I don't know how to." Mike said.

"If it don't get braided, it'll be like a rat's nest, Mommy says." Hannah told him. She was near tears.

"Give me just a second. I'll find someone." Mike said. He walked back out and stepped into the p-way. Thankfully Kara Foster was walking towards him. "Foster, you got a minute? I need a favor if you know how to braid hair." Mike said.

"Of course, sir. I'm just off for a few hours. It won't take long." Kara said as she followed him into the quarters. Mike realized how it would look so he gestured at Hannah to come into the office area.

"Hannah, this is Lieutenant Foster. She'll help you with your hair." Mike told her. Hannah nodded and knelt in front of Kara.

"Does your mom French Braid it or just a regular braid?" Kara asked.

"Just a regular braid at night. In the morning, I get Fishbone braids if Mommy has time. Do you know how to do Fishbones?" Hannah asked.

"I do but I need to practice. Alright, all done. That okay?" Kara asked.

"Yeah. Thank you; 'tenant." Hannah said and then gave Kara a hug. Mike thought about correcting her, but there was really no point in it. Hannah was cute enough that she could get away with butchering titles and ranks.

"Your welcome. You sleep good." Kara told her.

"Thanks, Lieutenant. I appreciate it." Mike told her before opening the door for her.

"Anytime, sir." Kara said before walking away.

Mike had intended on Hannah sleeping on the couch but when he turned around, she was getting comfortable in the bed. Mike thought about getting onto her, but she probably hadn't slept well lately. He helped her position the blankets around her and tucked her teddy bear in close.

"I miss Mommy." Hannah said before bursting into tears.

"Hey, hey; she's okay. She just needs to be watched close. I imagine she'll be here tomorrow or the next day." Mike assured her.

"Oh. When are you going to start loving me again? You're mad because Lucas died and I didn't, so you don't love me anymore." Hannah said. Mike was amazed at how perceptive the little girl was, but she was wrong about one thing.

"I still love you. Don't ever think I don't." Mike answered.

"I don't know about that. I really miss Lucas. I feel like a part of me is just gone." Hannah said, bursting into tears again.

"I know, honey. I felt the same way when your Aunt Katie died. She wasn't my twin, but we were eleven months apart so close. But you know what? Katie is still in my heart and Lucas is too. And he's in yours too. You will always miss him, but you will learn to get by. I know what doesn't seem possible now, but it is." Mike explained. He had settled on the bed next to Hannah and was rubbing her shoulder. He could feel her getting sleepy.

"Mommy said she really misses him. I would hear her cry sometimes. Do you miss him?" Hannah asked.

"Yeah, sweetie; I do." Mike admitted. Normally, he would want to hide his grief from his kids; but what good was that? Hannah needed to feel some sort of connection.

"Daddy, I can learn to play baseball and football like Lucas did. Maybe then you won't miss him so bad and you'll like me again?" Hannah offered. Mike bent down and kissed the top of her head.

"I like you just fine the way you are. You don't have to learn to play ball. Just be you." Mike told Hannah, sincerely.

"But you miss Lucas." Hannah said.

"And if you become a carbon copy of your brother, I'll miss my Hannah Banana." Mike said as he began tickling her. He finally stopped because Hannah really did need to settle down. "How about I hold you until you go to sleep?" Mike suggested and Hannah nodded vigorously. Within just a few moments, she was snoring slightly and had Mike stuck on the bed. He leaned over and shut the light off and relaxed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Before Everything**

Chapter 7

Christine and Kaitlyn were incredibly weak and barely out of the woods when Rios released them into Mike's care. If it wasn't for the crew, Mike would be completely lost. They helped babysit Hannah and once Christine and Kaitlyn were back in Mike's cabin, helped care for them. Bacon kept them eating with food that wouldn't upset their stomachs and would give them the vitamins and nutrients that they had lost. Hannah was also all about caring for Christine and Kaitlyn, taking her role as helper very seriously.

Mike was busy. There were new crew members that needed to be brought up to speed on how the ship ran. Thankfully, Wolfe and Ravit were accomplished operators and were true professionals. And right off the bat, the Solace tested them all. Mike had to switch back into an interrogator's role.

Rachel was still hard at work. She had a cure but now she had to figure out an easy way to mass-produce it. She had to do more tests on Hannah, including some sort of lung induction test. Mike didn't understand it and Christine didn't have the energy to refuse them. Mike knew eventually he would have hell to pay but for now, Hannah being poked, prodded and made to be miserable was giving Rachel what she needed. Mike was not particularly thrilled with the tests either because after every one of them, Hannah become increasingly convinced that he hated her. It made his heart break. After one test that involved a scope going up Hannah's nose, down her throat and into her lungs, Mike tried to make her happy before she got back to Christine.

"Bacon told me this morning he made strawberry ice cream and has hot fudge. It's your favorite and I think he made it special for you. He knew you were having the scope done today." Mike offered.

"My throat hurts and I want Mommy." Hannah said. Normally, she wasn't very whiny, but she was uncomfortable.

"How about we get you that ice cream. It might help your throat. And if Bacon has enough, maybe we can take some back to your mom and sister." Mike offered.

"Okay. Will Mister Tex be there?" Hannah said.

"I don't know. Maybe. You like him a lot." Mike remarked.

"He doesn't treat me like a lab rat like you do." Hannah said. She had apparently heard what Christine said back in the sick bay.

"Honey, I don't treat you like a lab rat. If I did, I wouldn't take you for ice cream after." Mike said. Hannah was eight and her reasoning skills were off.

"I DON'T WANT ICE CREAM! I WANT MY MOMMY!" Hannah shouted. Miller and a couple other enlisted men passed by. Thankfully, they paid Hannah no credence. Miller threw Mike a sympathetic look but got out of the way. Mike was not used to dealing with temper tantrums and Hannah was usually always well-mannered and sweet. She'd simply been through too much.

"Alright, I'll take you to your mom and go get ice cream if you want to act like this. Not sure you need the ice cream, though." Mike said. He was having to pull Hannah by the hand through the p-way. It was like dragging an anchor.

"You said it would help my throat. Don't you want to help my throat?" Hannah said in a whiny voice. Mike knew she was picking a fight and he wasn't particularly wanting to give into it.

"That's why I said I would go get you some. Stop fighting, Hannah!" Mike said. He had said it a bit more forcefully then he wanted and jerked a little harder than necessary. Hannah gave him a hurt expression but finally complied. As he walked, he could hear her crying. Now, he felt badly and knew he would to explain it to Christine which wouldn't be fun.

He finally made it back to his cabin, where he happily deposited Hannah into Christine's loving care. He did explain what happened. If they had more privacy, Christine would have probably let him have it, but for now; it was more important to just get Hannah's mood improved. She had more tests the next morning and Mike needed her in a better mindset. He left with a promise to bring back the ice cream for both of his girls.

Bacon was a miracle worker, because he had a full tray of ice cream, toppings and hot fudge. It might be a bit rich for Christine and Kaitlyn, but they had lost a lot of weight. They needed to be spoiled. He made his way back to his cabin, where Hannah and Kaitlyn were reading a book and Christine was tidying up, except she was getting too winded.

"Ice cream is here." Mike said as he sat the tray down on the table. Hannah gave him a very wary look but told Kaitlyn what toppings she wanted.

"You and I need to have a conversation later." Christine said.

"Why am I not surprised." Mike argued. Christine gave him 'the look' and grabbed his hand, pulling him into the bedroom area and shutting the door.

"Mike, give her a break. She is young and scared. Within just a few months, she's lost her twin, most; if not all her friends, her home and everything normal. This is not her world. Its yours. You can't expect her to just blend in." Christine lectured.

"I know. I was really only trying to help her." Mike commented.

"I know that, but she doesn't understand it. She doesn't understand why she has to have all these tests and examinations. She doesn't understand that she has some sort of genetic anomaly. She only knows that her twin and her best friend died when she lived. She only knows that she cared for Kaitlyn and me for days before you found us. As adults, we understand what's happening but imagine yourself at eight years old, going through what she's going through and having a parent who is giving her no option." Christine continued.

"I don't like putting her through this, but we have to find a way to make this cure passable by human contact. Hannah might hold the key." Mike argued.

"I get that, Mike. And the thing is, Hannah wants to do this. She knows that by doing this, she is potentially saving millions of lives. What she wants though, is to know that you don't expect this of her. You aren't punishing her for living when Lucas died, for not getting sick when Kaitlyn and I were so sick. She wants an option in it." Christine explained quietly. She had sat down on the bed and pulled Mike down next to her.

"She's eight! I don't even get an option in it. I don't like what she's going through either, but I was told that they could do this with or without our consent. At least if I am present for every test and exam, I know if she's in pain or if her needs are being met. I can comfort her if she allows it. Chrissy, I know she's going through hell and I hate that. If I could take her pain away, I would in a heartbeat. I know by doing this, I may lose my beautiful, sweet little girl because she'll hate me, and I hate that. I have no choice." Mike said. Christine had taken his hand in her own and squeezed it. Before she said anything, there was a knock on the door and Hannah stuck her head in.

"Can I come in?" Hannah asked. Mike could tell she was nervous.

"Yeah." Mike answered. He had dropped his hand from Christine's and had his elbows propped on his legs. Hannah came to where she was facing him and pulled his hands down away from his face.

"Daddy, I couldn't ever hate you, ever. I am sorry I was mean to you. My throat just hurt, and I wanted Mommy. I hope you can forgive me?" Hannah said. Instead of answering her, Mike pulled her into a hug. At some point, Kaitlyn came in and cuddled close. For Mike, it was perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

**Before Everything**

Chapter 8

Rachel was successful, mostly because of Hannah. Mike hated the pain that the little girl had to go through to create a cure that was transmittable through breathing the same air, saliva, or kissing. Her little lungs were scoped and biopsied. Through it all, Mike sat with her during every procedure. At least Rachel would put her to sleep for the worse procedures.

Mike had to take Rachel, the President and a group of kids ashore to protect them, leaving behind his own family. It was one of the hardest things he had ever done, but Christine and Kaitlyn were still very weak, and Hannah had only had her procedure the day before.

The sub was sunk, and Mike was shot in the left bicep, giving him a bit more time with his girls. Within a few days, they would be making landfall. Christine and the girls were starting to make plans for once they reached St. Louis. It sounded like they would be settling there. Mike could only hope that he would be able to provide them a nice home to recover in.

Christine and both girls were kept on the James during the swearing in and landing in St Louis and once Mike got them a hotel suite, were brought on land. Mike was protective of them. He had a bad feeling about all the fanfare that was happening.

Mike had to attend the party that was held in Michener's honor. He had offered to get Christine a dress and find a babysitter for the girls, but Christine wanted to stay in. Mike didn't particularly want to go either.

By the next morning, Rachel had died, and Mike had spent the night investigating. He needed to spend the day finding a house for his girls, but he was exhausted. Thankfully, Christine and the girls understood. They curled up around him and napped with him. Hannah especially was saddened by Rachel's death, but they had almost become cold towards death in general. It was something that happened all too frequently.

The next day, Michener arranged for Mike, Christine and the girls to meet with a real estate agent. The government was covering everything and would get them set up in a house that normally Mike and Christine would have never afforded. After viewing three houses, Christine found her ideal kitchen, the girls loved the bedrooms and Mike had a garage/workshop to tinker around in, when he was home.

Mike didn't care much about a house since he knew he would be deploying soon, but his girls needed to be settled. Christine would be home-schooling them in an office area until the schools opened back up. The government had furnished and decorated the house to Christine's taste, and they were able to move into a home. That night as Mike got ready for bed, Christine brought something up that surprised him.

"This is a four-bedroom house." Christine remarked.

"Yeah. Guest bedroom I guess." Mike said as he got into bed next to her. It felt good to have some privacy.

"Or…Mike, the real estate agent was telling me about the orphanages that have opened up. We could…adopt? Or I could see about getting a tubal ligation reversal." Christine said.

"A what?" Mike asked her.

"It's a surgery. It would reverse the surgery where I had my tubes tied. I don't think its terribly invasive." Christine said.

"Is this something you've checked out?" Mike asked.

"Yes. I know I got my tubes tied without really talking to you first and you always wanted a big family. I was satisfied with three kids but now we only have the two. If a reversal isn't possible, maybe we could adopt. Maybe a little boy." Christine said. Mike turned on his side to face her, not knowing what to say.

"I appreciate what you're saying but I don't want to replace Lucas. I'm afraid if we had another baby, either by birth or adoption; it would seem that we were trying to replace him." Mike answered. He wasn't against the idea, but he didn't want Christine to jump into it before she thought about it.

"Neither do I. Can I call a doctor tomorrow? I'd like to do this before you deploy. Once you get home, we can start really trying. Course, we never had to try very hard before. It might be harder though, and the reversal might not be successful." Christine said. Mike could tell her mind was made up. One way or another, they would be having or adopting a baby.

"Go ahead. Just if you're sure. What if you get pregnant again and it's a girl?" Mike asked.

"Then so be it. Mike, I really want this, but you have to too." Christine said.

"I want you to be happy and if adopting or having another baby will help then so be it, as you say. I won't be home a lot in the coming years though. If a reversal is possible and you do get pregnant; you will be raising the baby on your own. I will provide for it and I'm sure I will love it, but you will have to be both the mother and father ninety percent of the time. I just want you prepared for that as harsh as it sounds." Mike said.

"I understand. I do know one part that you will be more enthusiastic about." Christine said.

"What's that?" Mike asked. Christine forced him to lay back on his back and straddled him.

"Trying for a baby. You always really enjoyed that part." Christine teased as she took her night-shirt off.

"You sure you feel well enough? The Red Flu really did you in." Mike asked as his hands began wondering.

"I feel good and we have a kid-free bed. This won't accomplish what I want it to, but it will get us back in practice." Christine said before giving him a kiss.

"If you're sure. God, you're amazing." Mike said before rolling Christine off him so he could finish undressing. At that point, he didn't care about deployments, procedures or trying for a baby. He didn't mind practicing.

Three days later, he was sitting with Christine after an exam with an OB-GYN, to tell them if it was even possible to have the reversal and conceive another baby. Mike could only hope for Christine's sake it would be. She had gotten her hopes up.

"So, upon examination; we can do the tubal ligation reversal. The government is going to be encouraging repopulation. You are a bit older than we would prefer but thirty-eight is not impossible. You could conceive more than one child even. We will schedule the reversal for…next week and start giving you vitamins that will aid in your fertility. Commander, you will also need to not wear too tight boxers. In fact, when your home and its appropriate, you might go without them. This is all to help in conception." Doctor Ryder explained. Christine had started laughing when she told Mike what he would need to do.

"We never had to worry about all this before. I would barely sneeze and would be pregnant." Christine said after laughing hysterically.

"Well, you're older now and you might have some scar tissue from your tubal ligation. In older parents, fertility does decrease. Less sperm, less eggs. Even in previously fertile couples." Doctor Ryder told her.

"Anything else we need to do once the procedure is performed?" Christine asked.

"Well, as you know, the two weeks after you finish your period are your most fertile. I am giving you some brochures with suggested diets, positions and times to read through." Doctor Ryder explained.

"Positions?" Mike asked.

"Yes, there are sexual positions that better aid in conception. Are you blushing?" Doctor Ryder asked.

"He is. Mike is a bit of a traditionalist and we never had to give this a lot of thought in my other pregnancies. I'll help him." Christine said.

"I'm sure you will. Before we part ways, Commander Slattery; you seem a bit on the fence about this. You must be completely okay with having another baby. Things do happen, but if one of the partners is on the fence, it tends to derail everything. You will shoot blanks so to speak. Also, do not allow yourselves to become stressed about schedules, positions and times. This can still be fun for you. It is not meant to ever be intense or stressful. I will suggest, if you can; scheduled a getaway for just the two of you. It can coincide with Christine's more fertile time but that doesn't need to be a focus. Just be sure of what you are doing. My nurse will help you schedule the procedure." Doctor Ryder said before leaving the room.

"Mike; are you absolutely sure about this? I know you said you want me to be happy, but you have a voice in this too. This isn't just about making a deposit, me getting pregnant and us having a baby. You have to love and want this baby too." Christine said.

"You know, I always wanted a big family. I know I will love this baby. My biggest worry is that it will seem that we will be replacing our boy. I don't want that, and we can't control if we have a boy or girl. That is what I fear. And not being there when you need me. If you do get pregnant immediately, I won't be there during the pregnancy and maybe not for the birth." Mike said.

"I will handle it. Mike, I want this in the worst way. It's all I can think about. I wish I had never gotten that tubal ligation. I know I should be happy that we still have Kaitlyn and Hannah and I love them dearly, but…" Christine started.

"You want a second chance with a new baby and maybe I do too. Our family doesn't feel complete now. The problem is, a new baby won't change that. Without Lucas, we will never be complete." Mike finished.

"I know, Mike and I am sorry." Christine said. Mike saw the tears gathering in her eyes and he felt badly.

"Chris, you will have this surgery and we will have a couple's weekend. Hopefully you will get pregnant, but regardless, we will enjoy trying. I know one thing for sure, once we have a baby; we will know we can't replace Lucas, but we will have a new place in our hearts for our new son or daughter. I have never been good at refusing you anything and I refuse to start now. Besides, I've always wanted a big family. This is just giving me what I want." Mike told her as he pulled her into a hug. She was still sitting on the exam table and sunk into his chest. They stayed like that until the nurse came in.

Christine's procedure was scheduled for the following week and they learned some details and precautions for it. Mike was obviously worried, but Christine took it with her usual attitude. She wasn't worried and had given Mike his marching orders. He was to find a babysitter and plan their couple's weekend. She wanted a hotel with room service and Mike just wanted a long overdue weekend with his wife.

**I**** don't know a lot about Tubal Ligation Reversals, but I do know, they are done so please bear in mind that when reading this. Thanks so much for the reviews! **


	9. Chapter 9

References of child abuse and corporal punishment, just forewarning! Thanks for the reviews.

**Before Everything **

Chapter 9

Christine's procedure was a success and once she was healed up; she and Mike went for a couple's weekend at a nearby hotel. The Green's had agreed to babysit the girls, hoping for an introduction to childcare.

While Mike enjoyed the time with his wife, he would have preferred a lazy weekend. Maybe eating dinner out here and there. Instead he had to read all the literature about positions and such. He was uncomfortable and stressing himself out. Mike desperately wanted to give Christine the baby she was hoping for, but it had never been so hard.

The last night at the hotel, Mike was laying next to Christine, not looking at the book she was reading. It was something on how to conceive a baby. Mike knew how to do that. He and Christine had successfully done that with three babies. Why did they need books and such? He reached over and took the book out of Christine's hands, throwing it on the floor next to him.

"Hey, I was reading that!" Christine scolded.

"You don't need to. I have gotten you pregnant twice before, once with twins. We can do this again. I'm tired of books and literature. Of positions. I just want to do what has worked in the past and what we are comfortable with. This feels entirely too rehearsed for me." Mike complained.

"But the doctor said…" Christine started but Mike turned on his side, put a finger on her lips and with the other, grazed her breast with his hand.

"The doctor doesn't know everything. Now, top or bottom?" Mike asked.

"Huh?" Christine asked.

"Do you want on the top or the bottom? Chris, if you intend on us having this baby before we are both fifty, you must decide. Now, you have always enjoyed these weird positions and I am happy to oblige you, but you have to communicate what you want." Mike demanded. While he spoke, he was slowly working her nightgown up and touching her in his favorite places.

"I want on bottom." Christine finally said. She helped Mike remove her nightgown and laughed as he struggled out of his pajama pants. The truth was, Christine hated the idea of having to go through so much to just conceive a baby. It had never been a struggle before and it was something she had enjoyed thoroughly.

A month later, Mike's idea for making a baby proved fruitful. Christine was pregnant. Even Dr. Ryder was surprised. The only wrinkle was that Mike was being deployed to distribute the cure. He barely had any warning but two days before he left, he showed up at the house with paint, a crib, a changing table, a rocking chair and even gender-neutral bedding and décor items. Christine was shocked.

"I don't know if I will be home in time for baby to be here and I don't want you to stress about putting a crib together, let alone painting a room. Now, I will paint. Katie can help me and once its dry, I will put the furniture together. If you don't like the bedding and décor crap, we can get different. I got gender neutral. I hope for a boy but didn't want to tempt fate. Isn't this cute?" Mike said as he held up a little stuffed elephant.

"Its adorable, Mike. You are a sweetheart." Christine said as she gave him a long kiss.

"Yeah, don't tell anyone. Kate!" Mike yelled for their oldest daughter. Kaitlyn came into the living room and smiled at all the baby paraphernalia.

"What's all this?" Kaitlyn asked.

"Baby stuff. I need help painting and you have a steady hand. Good for trim work. Upstairs, young lady." Mike said. Christine smiled at his stern demeanor but knew better. Kaitlyn and Hannah had Mike completely under their spell. They just let him think he was in charge. Both girls adored their daddy.

"I guess I could do that, if it means spending time with you before you leave." Kaitlyn said while grabbing the drop clothe and bag of rollers and brushes. Mike had the paint and tray. Christine winked up at Mike and smiled as Mike put a free hand on Kaitlyn's shoulder. The love Mike had for his kids was so obvious.

"Of course, sweetie. That was my whole idea." Mike told her. Christine knew better but would never tell Kaitlyn that.

"Enjoy yourselves." Christine said. The two of them walked upstairs and Hannah joined Christine in the living room, looking at all the bedding and baby items. Mike had also gotten some baby outfits.

"Mommy, was Daddy this excited when we were born?" Hannah asked.

"Yes. Your daddy always loved it when you were babies. I think you will love watching him with this one. You'll see how he acted with you." Christine explained.

"He told me last night that he was hoping for a boy." Hannah said. She was playing with the little stuffed elephant.

"We both are." Christine said.

"Because you don't love Lucas anymore?" Hannah asked.

"Oh, no. We both still love and really miss Lucas." Christine said. She was not prepared for Hannah to start crying. Hannah had been really upset when she was told of the pregnancy and coming baby and neither Mike nor Christine could get to the bottom of it.

"I wish I had died instead of Lucas. Then you would still have a boy and a girl and wouldn't be having some stupid baby!" Hannah wailed. Christine pulled Hannah onto her lap and kissed the top of her head. Mike was better at dealing with Hannah's moods, but Christine didn't want to disturb him or Kaitlyn's moment.

"Hey, hey. Sweetie, if had been you instead of Lucas, Daddy and I would have still been really upset and we would have missed you. You are our Hannah Banana. We might have even still had another baby. My point is, I don't wish it was you over Lucas. Us wanting a baby boy only has to do with wanting another baby. When we were having Katie, we did the same thing, and again with you and Lucas. We made bets and picked names out and teased and joked. Your dad bought all this Cubs gear when I was pregnant with Katie. And you know what, as soon as she was born, she was in a Cubbies onesie. It didn't matter that it was for a boy. He put a pink headband on her and was perfectly happy." Christine told her. Hannah was snuffling into her shoulder. Christine knew it was more to do with just missing her twin brother and thinking he was being replaced.

"I miss Lucas. You and Daddy never talk about him anymore. Our birthday is tomorrow, and you won't even have a chocolate cake for him!" Hannah complained. Christine always made a chocolate cake for Lucas and a vanilla cake for Hannah.

"Its because we miss him so very much. Tomorrow will be a really hard day for Daddy and me. We are both dreading it." Christine admitted.

"I wish it wasn't my birthday too. Can't I just wait until the next day to have my birthday? Everybody will be all sad and I won't have a good birthday." Hannah said.

"Sweetie, the next day; your daddy is leaving. Don't you want him here for your birthday?" Christine said.

"Yeah but…" Hannah started. She was struggling against Christine.

"And he wants to be here. Maybe God knew what He was doing when He made you and Lucas twins. Maybe He knew that we needed to still be a little happy on your birthday after we lost Lucas." Christine tried to reason as Hannah stood up.

"I HATE GOD!" Hannah yelled. Christine heard Mike running down the stairs just a second later. Hannah was in trouble and Mike didn't even know the full extent of the conversation. Of the two of them, Mike was more religious and would not put up with what Hannah had said.

"Young lady, yelling at your mother and saying that about God is not appropriate at all. Room now!" Mike ordered.

"Mike, the paint fumes? Her room is right next to the nursery." Christine argued. Sending Hannah to her room was a better option than spanking her but still, it gave Christine a chance to explain everything. However, Mike's emotions were too raw, considering that he would be leaving in a few days, Lucas' birthday and missing most if not all her pregnancy.

"You're right. She can't go upstairs. Hannah, here now." Mike ordered. He pulled Hannah in front of him, sit down on the ottoman and pulled her over his knee.

"Mike, stop until I explain why she said that…" Christine warned as the first blow to Hannah's bottom landed. Mike shook his head at her and landed several more blows before sitting Hannah up. Hannah was sobbing miserably and ran for Christine who had walked into the kitchen so not to face what Mike was doing. She pressed her little face into Christine's belly and wrapped her little arms around her. Christine wrapped her own arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Hannah, I was not done with you!" Mike boomed.

"You have done quite enough. Go upstairs. Spend your time with Katie and I will talk to Hannah." Christine exploded.

"Excuse me?" Mike argued. One agreement they had early on was that when one of them was disciplining one of the kids, the other wouldn't step in.

"You heard me. Go. Just remember, you and I are not the only ones grieving for Lucas." Christine said.

"I…what happened?" Mike asked.

"No. I will not explain this now. You go. I have to calm her down before anything. Go upstairs." Christine ordered. Mike nodded, but before he did; he bent down, kissed the top of Hannah's head and whispered something in her ear. He gave Christine a look and went back upstairs.

"Daddy must really hate me." Hannah finally said. Christine knelt next to her and smiled.

"Daddy needs to learn how to control that temper, but I promise, he loves you so very much. He did kiss you, didn't he? Christine asked.

"Yeah." Hannah said.

"What did he whisper in your ear?" Christine asked.

"That he was really sorry." Hannah said.

"There you have it. Now, you're holding your bottom and I know he hit you hard. Can I see?" Christine asked and Hannah nodded. Christine turned her around and lowered Hannah's leggings. Sure enough, her bottom was a deep red and even her lower back and upper legs had handprints on them. Mike had not been very careful with where the spanking had landed.

"Its hurts really bad. I was wiggling around too much. I don't think Daddy meant to hit my back or legs." Hannah said.

"I'm sure he didn't. Daddy would never hurt you that badly. How about this. I was going to make your cake tonight but when I got stuff for cakes, out of habit I got stuff for Lucas's too. Why don't we just make both cakes? You can help me while Katie and Daddy work on the baby's room." Christine asked and Hannah nodded vigorously. The little girl loved to bake.

"Yeah! Please! I'll be better, Mommy; please!" Hannah begged.

"Alright. First, I'm going to go upstairs and change my shirt and speak with Daddy. Why don't you go in the powder room and wash your face and hands? You'll feel better." Christine suggested.

"Okay, Mommy. I'm glad you still love me, even if Daddy can't anymore." Hannah said happily. Before Christine walked away, she caught Hannah's chin in her hand.

"Sweetie, Daddy loves you more than life and while he just messed up; he didn't mean to hurt you like that. We are all a little more emotional then normal right now." Christine said.

"Okay." Hannah said. Christine released her and headed upstairs. She stepped into the nursery and gestured for Mike to follow her. He walked into the master bedroom behind her and shut the door.

"Mike, she has welts and the beginning of bruises on her behind, lower back and upper legs. I'm sure you didn't mean to do that, but the thing is, Hannah isn't so sure. She says she thinks you didn't mean to, but she thinks because she lived and Lucas didn't, you hate her. And I am agreeing with her." Christine said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"You know better." Mike argued.

"You allowed our child to go through terrible medical experiments. You just beat on her. Mike, what other reason could there be? I don't do ultimatums well, but here is one. If you ever, ever lay anything but a loving hand on one of my children, this baby included, I will take them to a place where you will never find them. Period, end of story. Now, the reason Hannah said that was because she is grieving for Lucas. She doesn't want to celebrate her birthday tomorrow. I mentioned that God must have known what He was doing when He made her a twin so we wouldn't be so sad on their birthday. Hannah is just a little girl. She doesn't understand everything she says. I know things are crazy right now, but I think once you get back from deployment, you need to look for a counselor. Whatever is going on with you concerning Hannah must be dealt with. Once she is older and has a choice in the matter, if things continue; it will not be good." Christine warned.

"I love Hannah. How many times do I have to say that to the two of you?" Mike asked.

"Mike, you love your daughter. I will not argue with that, but you hate the fact that she lived, and Lucas didn't. Even if you don't realize it, you do. It causes deep resentment and Hannah is caught in the crossfire. You do fine on the day to day, but every now and then, your temper overrules your good sense and you do something like you just did. If we were pre-Red Flu, you would be reported for abuse of a child. No one cares about such things now so I will leave you with that warning. Mike, I am serious. As much as I love you and as much as you love the kids; if I ever see or hear of you injuring them or hurting them in anyway; I will be out of this door faster than you can beg me not to and I will take them with me." Christine said. Mike knew she was serious.

"You'd…leave me?" Mike said.

"In a heartbeat, if it came to my kids." Christine said. She found an old t-shirt in her dresser and changed into it.

"They're mine too." Mike said. He had sat down on the and had his head in his hands.

"I know. And I know that you love them deeply. Mike, as I said. I love you but you cannot keep doing this. More than anyone, you are hurting Hannah. We can both agree the girls are allowed to grieve too. We've both lost a sibling, but Hannah and Lucas were different. They were womb-mates, best friends, everything. You know when they were born, Lucas came out first, and Hannah followed just a second later. When the nurse laid them on my chest, they were holding hands. Who is to say that Hannah's loss isn't bigger than ours? Now, I want you to go downstairs, properly apologize to Hannah and tell her that you love her with every fiber of your being and then come back up here and spend the afternoon with Katie. Tomorrow, we have to get through the day because Hannah will not. Her coping mechanisms are not the same as ours. As her parents we have to understand that." Christine said before giving him a kiss on the top of the head. She took Mike's hand and lifted him off the bed. Before they could leave, Mike pulled her into a hug.

"You know, I was really lucky when I tricked you into marrying me?" Mike said, reminding her of an old joke.

"Best mistake I ever made." Christine said. She gave him a soft kiss and then led him downstairs. Hannah was sitting at the kitchen island, staring at her hands. Mike nodded at Christine and then picked Hannah up. He sat down on the same barstool and settled Hannah onto his lap.

"Hannah, I am sorry for what happened. Mommy explained everything to me and I didn't react how I should have. I promise, I never, ever would have hurt you on purpose. Mommy told me that your back and legs were hurt too. Can I do anything to make it better?" Mike asked.

"No." Hannah said bitterly.

"Alright. Well, Mommy and you have plans this afternoon but tomorrow; you and I are going to spend some time together. Now, in case you were wondering; I love you so very much. I miss Lucas every second of every day, but in no way do I wish it was you instead. Hannah, I don't know how to fix this, but in a few days, I will be leaving and I don't want this between us and frankly, you don't either. What do you say?" Mike asked.

"Actually, you can help my behind feel better. When you and Katie get done and Mommy and I are done, can you hold me like this. You're all warm and it feels better." Hannah begged.

"Of course, sweetheart. I could definitely do that." Mike agreed.

"Okay." Hannah said. Christine could tell she hadn't quite forgiven Mike but what he had done was not easily forgivable.

"Sweetie, give Daddy a kiss." Christine ordered.

"Its okay. I won't force her to. Hannah, just please know, I am so, so, sorry and I love you so very much." Mike told her before giving Hannah a kiss on the forehead. She reached up and patted his cheek.

"I love you too, Daddy but sometimes I don't like you very much." Hannah said honestly.

"And that is perfectly alright." Christine told her before Mike could say anything.

"You enjoy your baking and find me when its time to lick the beaters and spoons." Mike told her as he put her on her own two feet. He stood up and gave Christine a long kiss before running up the steps.

"You feel better?" Christine asked.

"A little." Hannah said. Christine tied a child-sized apron around the little girl. Christine had gotten all her baking items out while Mike talked to Hannah and she let Hannah crack the eggs and measure the dry ingredients. Hopefully the next day would be easier.


	10. Chapter 10

**Before Everything**

Chapter 10

As Christine predicted, the next day was hard on all of them, but particularly Hannah. She crawled into bed with them about five am and immediately started crying. If it wasn't for Mike leaving the next day, they might not have even celebrated her birthday, but they desperately wanted to remind her of better times. In doing that, they reminded her that her twin brother wasn't there to enjoy it.

Mike and Christine were barely handling their own grief and dealing with a nine-year-old that was also not handling her grief was beyond them. They didn't know what to do or how to handle it. And there were no therapists to go to. It worried them both.

The one good thing about the concern about Hannah was that it didn't give either Mike or Christine time to dwell on their own grief. Thankfully, Kaitlyn was okay with occupying herself throughout the day and offered plenty of hugs and kisses to both her parents. She also was good at keeping Hannah smiling. At wasn't until after dinner that Mike finally broke. They were eating the two birthday cakes and Mike was staring at the chocolate cake that had been Lucas' favorite. He started sobbing and both girls looked at Christine, unsure of what to do. Finally, Kaitlyn stood up, walked around the table, knelt next to Mike and wrapped her arms around him.

"It's okay, Daddy; just let it out." Kaitlyn said quietly. Christine and Hannah had also come around and were hugging him tightly. The cake was completely forgotten about. They all just held each other and cried.

Normally, on the last night before a deployment, Mike and Christine would enjoy some private adult time after the kids went to bed; but that night, they were all too emotionally raw and Kaitlyn and Hannah wanted to sleep between Mike and Christine and they were happy to allow them. They spent the night cuddling, talking and remembering much better times.

Mike had to leave by seven am and the goodbyes were not easy. He hoped to be home by the time Christine was further along in her pregnancy, but no one knew if he would be. He held both girls longer than normal, whispering how proud he was and how much he loved them and then held onto Christine for dear life. Even more tears were shed.

**Four Months Later**

Mike laid down on his mat, exhausted from blood loss, trying to plan an escape and praying that Tom would find them. He had been beaten and had plenty of new scars, and he just wanted to get home. He wanted to kiss his wife, hug his baby girls and wait for his newest baby. But he had to keep himself and his crew alive first.

In St. Louis, Christine had been in a constant fight with Allison Shaw. Once Tom left and Michener allegedly committed suicide, Christine and the girls were taken to a little cabin in the middle of nowhere. For the first time in months, Christine was terrified. She was being refused care that her doctor had told her was needed due to her age and was worried she would miscarry the baby she had wanted so badly.

Shaw was a psychopath and didn't care about Christine's welfare. She had slapped Kaitlyn across the face and yelled at Hannah. Christine didn't know what was going on but suspected her plans were falling apart. She could only hope that she and the girls didn't get caught in the crossfire.

A full two weeks after the news broke that Allison Shaw had been killed, and on the second day with no food; Christine was shocked to see three men burst into the cabin. A second later, Mike followed, and she threw herself into his arms and began sobbing. Just then, their baby gave a very firm kick. The girls had also thrown themselves at Mike and Christine included them in on the hug.

"Get them to Rios. They need to be checked out." Mike ordered Greene. The two guards were led out in handcuffs and Mike pulled away. Christine could see the exhaustion, bruising and scars on his face and the way his hand remained on her stomach. Their baby was kicking like crazy.

"We're okay. Just very hungry and tired." Christine said.

"We'll get you girls taken care of. Girls, its cool out. Wrap those blankets around you. Chris, here." Mike said as he took his jacket off and wrapped it around her. As Christine looked into his eyes, she noticed, he looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Are you alright?" Christine asked as they walked out of the cabin.

"Just very tired. I've spent the last couple weeks totally terrified." Mike said.

"We will all sleep good tonight." Christine said. They were being put in a helicopter and Mike secured the girls and her. It was cold and Christine curled into Mike's side. Hannah was on his other side and his right arm was behind both Hannah and Kaitlyn. Both girls were getting sleepy.

Christine must have fallen asleep because when she woke up, they were landing on the deck of the James. Like almost five months before, it was sitting in the Mississippi River close to St. Louis. Rios met them on the deck and led them to the medical bay. Very quickly, Christine and the girls were checked over and then Rios suggested checking on the baby. He had an ultrasound ready. His corpsmen took the girls to get food and Mike stayed with Christine.

"Heartbeat is strong, and the baby is very active. Its early but I have a clear picture. Would you like to know a gender?" Rios asked. Mike and Christine both exchanged a look and nodded at him. "Well, please realize, this is not the best machine but there is no mistaking, there is a little boy right there." Rios said with a smile and Christine gave Mike a kiss.

"He is okay, though? Even though Christine hasn't had any food to eat?" Mike asked, watching the screen.

"He is, but she does need to eat soon. Once things settle, you do need to get to your regular doctor but on my unpracticed eye, everything looks normal for a pregnancy at this point." Rios said. He helped Christine wipe the jelly off and Mike helped her off the bed.

"Good. I guess we'd better find the girls." Mike said, almost disheartened sounding. As they walked to the mess hall, Christine finally asked.

"Mike, are you okay? You seem really off." Christine asked.

"Look, I love you and the girls and this baby, more than you will ever know; but I have to wonder at the wisdom of bringing more children into this world. This virus had brought out the lack of humanity and compassion in people. What the hell were we thinking?" Mike asked.

"We were thinking that we loved one another and our kids so much that we had enough love to give to another child. Yes, this has brought out the worst in people, but it has also brought out the best. Community is smaller, we are less tech based. Family and friends are essential because there are so many that have lost theirs. Mike, things are bad, but we still have one another and these beautiful kids. They need you back. I understand you're exhausted, but at least play the part." Christine begged. She had put both her hands-on Mike's face and put her foot between his, to keep him in place.

"You're right. I just need a break." Mike said before leading her down the p-way. They finally made it to the mess-hall, where Bacon had the girls eating a huge buffet of food.

"Miss Kaitlyn couldn't decide what she wanted, and Miss Hannah was much more decisive. There's plenty; Ma'am, Sir." Bacon said before leaving them. Sure enough, there was plenty of food. Mike sat down next to Kaitlyn and helped himself to a waffle while Christine got scrambled eggs, sausage and a biscuit.

They ate in silence, mostly out of exhaustion and needing to concentrate on getting their fill. Mike had already decided that they would stay on the ship that night and then go home. It would be tight and uncomfortable, but they would be together.

Both girls begged to sleep between Mike and Christine, making the small bed even tinier, between Mike's large frame and Christine's growing belly. Within just a few minutes, Mike was snoring loudly with Hannah sleeping on his chest and Kaitlyn's arms around his neck. Somehow, Christine wrapped her arms around them and fell asleep, hoping the nightmare was finally over.


	11. Chapter 11

**Before Everything**

Chapter 11

The fortunate part of the government coup was that it kept Mike at home for a while. He worked with the new President to begin rebuilding the Navy and he was home every night. The girls loved having him home and Christine was thrilled, despite Mike's short temper and sudden reluctance concerning the new baby. She could only hope that once the baby arrived, Mike would come around.

Christine spent the last month of her pregnancy on bed rest due to pre-eclampsia and had to have a scheduled C-section. Mike was there with her, but he was a thousand miles away mentally.

It wasn't until they had closed Christine up, checked the baby over and were taken to a regular room to bond with their baby, that Mike even cracked a smile and it was only at a name Christine had suggested.

"Would you like to hold him? Once the girls get here, they will claim him." Christine asked.

"I suppose." Mike said as he took the baby out of Christine's arms. He sat down next to Christine on the bed and repositioned the baby so they could both look at him.

"He just such a doll. Mike, thank you. I know you weren't sure of all this, but I know you love him deep down. I just wish you would come back to us. You're here but you aren't here. I hope you know how the girls and I love you." Christine said as she stroked Mike's cheek.

"I love you all too. I am just so scared to lose you all. It would destroy me." Mike admitted. While Christine stroked his cheek, he was stroking the baby's cheek.

"You're stuck with us for life, however long that is. Seriously, Mike; I know you went through hell, but you are not in that hell anymore. Come back to us." Christine said.

"I'm really trying. I am. I have an appointment with the counselor next week. I am taking advantage of my paternity leave, unless you need me home?" Mike asked.

"I will be fine. If it means you getting some help, then its fine. I can't fix this for you, but I do love you enough to know I can let you go long enough to fix it. Now, what are we going to name this little guy?" Christine asked. Mike was still holding the baby and had his little hand wrapped around Mike's index finger.

"Promise not to laugh at my suggestion? We can shorten it." Mike said.

"Okay, as long as it's not Hubert; its fine, I'm sure." Christine said.

"William Jed. For Mason and Jed?" Mike said.

"I love it. Not Mason, though?" Christine suggested.

"I do like Mason better. Wasn't sure how you'd feel." Mike said.

"I think Mason Jed is a good name for our boy." Christine said before giving Mike a kiss.

"Let's just call him Mason though. Did he just smile?" Mike asked as he looked down at their baby.

"Maybe. He might be ready to nurse." Christine said as she lowered her gown and Mike helped her position the baby. He almost looked saddened that he wasn't holding him. Mason immediately began nursing and had kept ahold of Mike's finger. He had Mike's coloring and was bigger than their other babies. Christine's biggest concern was that he would resemble Lucas and be painful to look at. Thankfully, so far; he didn't. Of course, he was still very small, but it made Christine feel better.

Long after Mason finished nursing, they stayed like that; holding him, talking about how he looked. Mason had gone to sleep in Christine's arms. Mike had long since texted Andrea to let her know that mom and baby were fine, and the girls could visit. For Mike and Christine, it was intimate and something they needed to reconnect.

Later that afternoon, Andrea brought the girls in for a visit. In typical Kaitlyn fashion; she immediately bonded with her baby brother and in typical Hannah fashion, she held back. Mike made a point to pull her onto his lap and cuddle her closely. One of the reasons he was going to counseling was to deal with the animosity concerning the little girl. He felt it would always be between them.

"What do you think of Mason?" Mike asked.

"He's okay." Hannah said as she played with Mike's sleeve. Mike wrapped his arm around her a bit tighter and kissed the back of her head.

"Sweetie, just because we have Mason now, doesn't mean we don't love you anymore…" Mike started but Hannah turned to face him.

"I know you don't really love me; I just hope you still love Lucas too." Hannah said and Mike groaned. No matter how many times he told Hannah that he still loved her and still loved and missed Lucas; it didn't seem to sink in.

"I do love you and I still love and miss Lucas. Mason is just someone more to love." Mike tried explaining but Hannah rolled her eyes. She had hit the tween stage with full force.

"How long are you home?" Hannah asked.

"Awhile but I don't know exactly. I am on paternity leave for the next six weeks though. I have to help Mommy out and I will be able to spend all kinds of time with you and Katie." Mike said.

"You'll spend time with Mommy, Katie and Mason. Not me." Hannah said. Despite her words, she had burrowed deeper into Mike's embrace. Mike had figured out; Hannah would say one thing, but her actions said something else. He had to learn how to read her body language.

"I already have some plans for you and me, sweetie." Mike said. He didn't want to tell her that the therapist he was seeing was also a family therapist; and that he would be taking Hannah to see her. He had told Christine and she was in complete agreement. They had to nip Hannah's insecurities in the bud.

"Oh." Hannah said. Mike could see just enough of her side profile to see the hint of a smile. Christine nodded over at him. She had heard the conversation.

"Hannah, Daddy will help you hold Mason. He's really sweet." Christine said. Andrea took the baby from Kaitlyn and carried him over to Mike and Hannah. Mike cradled the baby close to Hannah and Andrea helped her hold the baby. He could feel how tense Hannah was but eventually, once Mason gave her a smile; she seemed to relax.

"He is kind of cute. Will I have to change his diapers?" Hannah asked.

"No, your mom and I will do that." Mike told her.

"Good. I didn't want to do that." Hannah said.

"Mom and I will take care of him and once he's older, you will be able to play with him." Mike explained.

"I got to play with Frankie a little. He isn't so bad." Hannah admitted.

"Once Mason gets bigger, he'll play with toys and play peek-a-boo. That's stuff you and Katie can do with him." Mike said.

"Alright. Is Mommy okay? She seems tired." Hannah asked.

"She's getting sleepy. She had to work hard to get Mason here. Once you girls leave, I'll take Mason to the nursery and Mommy can have some sleep." Mike explained.

"When will you and Mommy and Mason be home?" Hannah asked.

"The day after tomorrow, possibly. Since Mommy had to have surgery, they want to keep her a bit longer." Mike told her.

"Can we call you tonight before bed? I know you will be all busy with Mason, but you and Mommy won't be there for goodnight kisses." Hannah asked.

"Of course, sweetheart. And we will give you your kisses before you leave." Mike said.

"Alright." Hannah said. She was shifting around and Mike maneuvered Mason to where he was holding him instead of Hannah. She was perched on his knee and shocked him when she bent over and kissed Mason on the top of the head. The baby opened his eyes and smiled at Hannah.

"I think he loves his big sister. He's smiled most at you." Mike said. He wasn't about to tell Hannah that Mason was also passing gas.

"He is kind of cute. He looks like you." Hannah said.

"Is that your way of saying that I'm cute?" Mike teased.

"No, Daddy; you aren't cute." Hannah said with a smile.

"Oh, that hurts. I bet Mommy disagrees?" Mike teased back.

"I don't think so." Hannah said. Mike stood up and carried Mason to Christine.

"Hey, babe; Hannah said I'm not very cute." Mike told Christine.

"I have to agree with her, Mike; after all, I do your laundry. But you are a keeper. You give me cute babies." Christine said with a smile. Both girls groaned and Andrea laughed.

"Alright, girls; give your parents and brother a kiss. We have big plans for a slumber party tonight. Pizza, popcorn, movies, and chocolate." Andrea explained to Mike and Christine. Katie immediately gave her mom and then Mike a kiss. Mason had had several kisses. While Mike hugged Katie, Christine gave Hannah her hug and kiss. Then it was Mike's turn. He held onto Hannah just a bit longer. He had told Katie he loved her, but while he held Hannah, he whispered in her ear.

"You are so loved by me. Nothing will ever change that. Never doubt that." Mike whispered.

"I love you too, Daddy. I really do." Hannah said.

"I know, sweetie. You have a good time with Andrea. I'll take good care of Mommy and Mason." Mike said.

"You'd better." Hannah deadpanned. She was definitely his child.

"Alright girls, let's go get our slumber party stuff." Andrea said as she gathered the girls.

"Andrea; I told Hannah that she could call before bedtime. Call us if you need anything." Mike said as he handed Andrea some money for their slumber party.

"I will, but they will be fine. You just enjoy your time with this sweet little guy. Christine, you get some rest. Girls will be fine." Andrea said.

"Thanks for keeping them for us." Christine said.

"No problem at all. I am enjoying it." Andrea said before leading the girls out of the hospital room. Christine settled back into the bed, obviously exhausted. Mike walked over and gently picked Mason up.

"Mike; I am exhausted, but he'll want to nurse soon. Just keep him in here. I also would really like to sleep on your chest." Christine asked and Mike was all too happy to oblige her. Mike settled Mason into the bassinet and rolled it to his side of the bed. Christine quickly settled onto Mike's chest and was sound asleep. Mike alternated watching between her and Mason. He was beginning to see a ray of hope. Maybe things would get better.


	12. Chapter 12

**Before Everything **

**Chapter 12**

"So, is this normal? Resenting Hannah?" Mike asked the therapist; Doctor Smith a week later. He hated the idea that he was in therapy, but he couldn't go on as he had been. His wife and kids deserved better.

"It isn't terribly uncommon. The good thing is, you are addressing it." Dr. Smith said.

"The bad thing is, Hannah knows and thinks I hate her. I tell her every day that I love her, but she can't get it out of her head. I don't remember my parents going through this when my sister died." Mike said.

"The difference is, you were grown and so your parent's grief is privatized. They dealt with it privately. You still have kids at home, and they are grieving too. Hannah is hit doubly hard because Lucas was her twin. You said she had told you that a part of her just felt gone. That isn't so far from the truth. Sibling lose is painful, but twin loss is something even worse. A lot of people think a parent who has lost a child is the worst grief imaginable; and it is. But a twin who has lost her womb-mate? Excruciating." Dr. Smith said. Mike liked the woman, especially since she had agreed to speak with Hannah.

"I miss Lucas every day, but I really want to help Hannah." Mike said.

"There is no sure answer for how to do that. I will talk to her, in individual and group therapy; but I think what is most important, is that she sees you honoring her brother, grieving for him, remembering him. There are a lot of people in your shoes. We are recommending they erect some sort of memorial, like a headstone. Away from the home, of course; so it doesn't become a shrine. It gives the grief a name and place. It's alright to have pictures of him and mementos, but it will give you all a private place and a public place to visit. To memorialize him, to visit him; whatever you need to do. It's purely symbolic, but it should help; both you, your wife and your daughters." Dr. Smith said.

"My parents did that too for my sister. Her body had never been recovered after 9-11." Mike remarked.

"Did it seem to help?" Dr. Smith asked.

"I think. Like you said, my parents were private in their grief." Mike said.

"I think Hannah needs to see you and your wife grieve. More so you. If she is how you describe her, she'll feel the need to comfort you. Somewhere along the way, you will find a happy medium with her. The reason I'm not too terribly concerned is that you and she still love each other. If you didn't love her, I would worry." Dr. Smith said.

"My wife even thinks that the resentment that I feel towards Hannah is why I allowed her to go through the medical tests. Why I am a bit shorter with her than I am with our older daughter." Mike admitted.

"Their personalities are different?" Dr. Smith asked.

"Very much. Kaitlyn, or Katie; as we tend to call her, is sweet. Hannah is too, but she is more like me. A bit on the brash side. Sometimes, she loses her filter." Mike said.

"Sometimes, it's the child most like us that we have trouble connecting with. You see your own failures and bad habits within Hannah. Sometimes, those overshadow her good points." Dr. Smith said.

"I can see that. She does have her good points. She tells her mom sometimes that she really loves me, but she doesn't like me so much. And of course, the new baby has thrown her for a loop. She said she wishes she had died instead of Lucas, so we would have still had a boy and girl and wouldn't have been tempted to have Mason. Maybe she's right too, but I sure as hell won't tell her that. We had to go through some stuff to have him. Course, now that he's here, we don't care about all that, and I cannot imagine my family or my life without Hannah, or Kaitlyn for that matter. And as painful as losing Lucas is, I can't imagine not having had him." Mike said.

"So, if; when your wife was pregnant with Hannah and Lucas, if someone had told you that you'd lose him, you would have still loved him, invested in him, spent time with him, etc?" Dr. Smith asked.

"Absolutely." Mike answered.

"Most people hesitate when asked that question. I think…you will always grieve for Lucas, that will never end; but I think you further along in your grief process and I think you can really help Hannah. As an adult, you've grieved for siblings, parents, coworkers and crewmates. Of course, losing a child is a different sort of grief, but Hannah doesn't have your processing skills, simply because this is her first big loss. She was young when your parents died, correct?" Dr. Smith asked.

"Yeah. Fairly young when both Christine's parents and my parents died." Mike said.

"For her, grief is overwhelming. She can't verbalize it and so she is striking out at the one person who maybe she sees as having a weaker relationship with her. She is trying to push you away. Make herself unlovable. She must feel guilty about Lucas' death." Dr. Smith said.

"So, how do I fix it? Build a stronger relationship with her? How?" Mike asked.

"Is there something she likes doing?" Dr. Smith asked.

"She and Lucas always enjoyed sports. T-ball, basketball, whatever they could play together." Mike answered.

"I would make a point to try that, but if she rejects it, don't be shocked. She may since its what she and Lucas did. You may have to forge a new path. Ask Christine. I guarantee, she'll know, and I will work on it too when I speak with her. More than anything, she needs you to spend time with her. Your hour is up, by the way. The takeaway today is, just spend time with her. Even if she brushes you off. It might even get worse before it gets better. Just continue loving her and remembering, she is a child who has lost her brother and best friend. Someone who knew her better than she does. People think your soul mate is your spouse. In a twin's case, it's their womb-mate. The best way I can correlate this for you is to have you imagine your life without Christine." Dr. Smith said. Both she and Mike stood up and Mike shook her hand.

"Yeah, I can't. Thanks, Doc. I'll have Hannah here next week. Don't be shocked if she refuses to talk. Her mom and I are kind of sandbagging her with this." Mike admitted.

"Make it a day for just you and her. That might pave the way." Dr. Smith said before she and Mike departed. Mike confirmed the appointment for the following week with the front desk and then drove home. When he walked in the door, Christine was sitting in the recliner, nursing Mason and from the sounds of it, the girls were upstairs.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Christine asked. Mike leaned over and gave her a kiss.

"It went about how I expected it to go. I'm exhausted. We talked a lot about Hannah. She told me to find something to do with her. I suggested sports but she said she might object since its what she and Lucas always did. She also suggested we do some sort of headstone for him." Mike said as he sat down on the couch next to her.

"That makes sense. She is really taking an interest in food. Maybe find different restaurants to take her to. There isn't a lot open anymore, but it's an idea. She also really loves movies and she will always be our cuddler." Christine said. Mason had finished nursing and Christine passed him to Mike to burp while she adjusted her clothing.

"How do you feel about the headstone?" Mike asked.

"I like that idea. I would kind of like to have some sort of memorial service though. I think we all need some closure. I thought…seems silly, but we all write letters to Lucas, put them in a box and bury it. Then have the headstone. Maybe have a priest or pastor to say a few words. Nothing very formal. Just a day to process our grief. Normally, the formality of a funeral would bother me, but I think we need it. I think without it, we can't move on." Christine said.

"I do like that idea. I can see about a headstone. Maybe find a place and get some pictures of examples since your basically homebound." Mike said. Christine was a homebody anyway and had it made it clear that while Mike was on paternity leave, he would be running errands and taking the girls on outings. It was her time to spend with Mason at home.

"Sounds perfect. Mason has eaten good today. He's finally latching better." Christine said. Nursing had been a struggle for her and Mason.

"He'll figure it out, I'm sure." Mike said.

"I hope. He's still a sweet boy. He just loves Katie and if Hannah will hang around him for any amount of time; he loves her." Christine remarked.

"Did they help you with him?" Mike asked.

"Katie did. Hannah is coming around. Mike don't get onto her. Part of it is her age. Just be patient. She is jealous and is afraid that we will stop missing Lucas now that we have Mason. Its normal, I think. We have to just spend time with her too." Christine said.

"I wish things could just be seamless." Mike remarked.

"Nothing we've ever done has been seamless. Why would we start now?" Christine teased. She had stood up and gave Mike a long kiss before giving Mason a kiss on the head. The baby had fallen asleep and Mike needed to put him in the bassinet that they had set up in the living room, but he enjoyed cuddling the baby.

"Good question." Mike responded. Just then the girls ran down the steps and Mike made the decision to lay Mason down so he could give both girls undivided attention. Kaitlyn gave Mike a hug and kiss before joining her mom in the kitchen and Hannah cuddled up to Mike on the couch.

"Can we just take a nap together, Daddy?" Hannah asked.

"Of course, sweetheart." Mike said as he repositioned himself on the couch and then helped Hannah lay down next to him. He pulled a throw blanket down on top of them and cuddled her close. Before too long, they were both asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Before Everything**

Chapter 13

The therapy appointment was a fiasco. Hannah all but refused to talk to Doctor Smith. Mike was discouraged but Doctor Smith suggested making another appointment the next week. He did it but was beginning to wonder if therapy and spending time with Hannah was a futile effort. All the way home, Hannah sat in the back seat with her arms crossed over chest and a pout on her face. About a block before their house, Mike tried to draw her out of it.

"Hey, I saw in the paper that a new restaurant was opening today. Do you want to try it? We aren't home yet." Mike asked.

"No!" Hannah said.

"Alright, back to Mommy then." Mike said.

"Good. She's gonna be so mad at you for making me talk to that lady!" Hannah said. Mike thought about correcting her, but decided against it. She didn't need to see Christine as a villain. The little girl needed to think she had at least one advocate in her mother. Christine was in complete agreement about therapy, but Hannah didn't need to know that.

"I'm only trying to help you, sweetie. It helped me to talk to her." Mike said.

"That's cause you want rid of Lucas! I don't." Hannah said.

"No, sweetheart. I miss your brother every second of every day, but I have to be able to function. I want that for you too. And what's more, Lucas would want this for us too. He would hate to see you suffering like this." Mike said as he pulled into the driveway. Hannah had sculled back up, and Christine appeared on the porch. Mike gave her a look and she nodded. She walked out to Mike's truck and got Hannah out.

"Mike; I'll take her on upstairs. I think she needs a cool down. Mason was asleep in his bassinet, if you can keep an eye on him. Katie's with him." Christine said as she walked up the sidewalk to the house. She was holding her hand and had only given Mike a nod in greeting.

"Yes, ma'am." Mike said in agreement. The truth was, he needed a bit of distance from Hannah too. Katie and Mason would be the perfect cure. They didn't hate and resent him. Mason was too little to understand anything about the world he had entered. He only understood that Christine provided him food, and Mike took care of his dirty diapers. Katie was not so innocent, but she was sweet enough that she couldn't resent or hate anyone.

Christine helped Hannah out of her nicer clothes and into play clothes. She could tell the little girl was seething in anger and Mike was hurting. She just didn't know what to do about it.

"Hannah, I know you are upset with your dad about going to talk to the doctor, but it wasn't completely his decision. I agreed. Don't blame him. Everything he is doing; he is doing because he loves you. We know that Lucas dying really hurts, because it hurts us too. We are all just trying to get to where it doesn't hurt so much to talk about him. Lucas wouldn't want this." Christine said.

"That's what Daddy says too." Hannah said as she sat down on her bed. Christine sat down beside her and picked up a stuffed teddy bear.

"Then you should believe it. We all love and miss Lucas. That will never go away. Your dad and I have both lost a sibling. We know how much it hurts, but we also know for you, its amplified. I know it seems like Daddy doesn't care about you, but do you think if he didn't; he'd be wanting to spend time with you and take you to that doctor? I don't think so. He would be ignoring you and mean to you." Christine lectured.

"That lady wanted me to talk about Lucas. It hurts." Hannah said.

"Does it hurt to talk about how much fun you guys had together?" Christine asked.

"No." Hannah admitted.

"Well, your dad texted me before you all left, and he's set up another appointment next week. I suggest that you tell the doctor that you really want to tell her about all the things you and Lucas did." Christine instructed.

"But she'll make me talk about him dying!" Hannah objected.

"Maybe eventually but for now, just tell her about Lucas. I think you need to talk to her about Lucas dying and Daddy, but you don't have to immediately. I'll call her myself." Christine said.

"Okay." Hannah agreed.

"Now; I would really like to see you downstairs and give your dad a hug. He is only trying to help to, and he is going to Doctor Smith too." Christine said as she stood up. She took Hannah's hand in her own and stood her up.

"He is?" Hannah asked.

"Yes, ma'am. There will be times that he and you will talk to Doctor Smith together, and sometimes Daddy and I will talk to her. Katie might have to too. For now, though; I think you need to become friends with Doctor Smith, and I think you'll do that better by not talking about all the bad stuff. Start with the good stuff." Christine explained. Part of Mike's issue was that he was having trouble relating to Hannah's maturity level. Hannah didn't always understand when Mike tried to talk to her, so she become frustrated.

"That wouldn't be so bad. Can we have a cuddle night? You, me, Katie and Daddy?" Hannah asked.

"Of course, but we have Mason now too. He'll want to cuddle." Christine said. They were walking down the stairs and Christine smiled down at Hannah. She could feel her tense up.

"He's just a baby that sleeps all the time. You and Daddy don't ever have time for us." Hannah fussed and tried to go back up the stairs. The house was open enough that Mike heard. He stood up to correct it, but Christine made eye contact with him and shook her head.

"When he sleeps, we'll leave him in his baby bed. Babies that age sleep all the time. They sleep so they can grow big and strong. Once he gets older, he'll be more fun." Christine told her.

"Okay." Hannah said simply. They continued their trek down the steps and were finally able to settle on the couch. Hannah set away from Mike. She was clearly still angry at him and both Mike and Christine were at a loss to deal with her anxieties. There had to be a breaking point some time.


	14. Chapter 14

**Before Everything**

Chapter 14

Christine accompanied Mike and Hannah to the next therapy appointment. She left Mike in the lobby with Mason and Kaitlyn while she and Hannah went in and talked to Doctor Smith. About a half hour later, she rejoined them, leaving Hannah with Doctor Smith. Mike was not sure what was going on, but thankfully, Kaitlyn loved cuddling with Mason, so Mike got a chance to talk to Christine.

"Is everything okay?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, Doctor Smith has her talking. She didn't want to jump into the sad stuff immediately. Wanted to tell her about Lucas. Basically, Doctor Smith is building a repour with her." Christine explained.

"So, this is going to take a while?" Mike asked.

"Were you in a hurry?" Christine asked.

"No…I just wanted things fixed with her." Mike said. Hannah was still angry at him for taking her to the initial appointment. She hadn't given Mike a hug and would barely speak to him. He simply missed Hannah and it was making him impatient.

"I know, but we have to do this at Hannah's pace. She doesn't have our coping mechanisms." Christine said.

"Its like; when Lucas died, I lost Hannah too. She's here physically, but I just can't reach her. I know that some of that is my making for resenting her at first, but I've tried." Mike said.

"I know, Mike. Doctor Smith is working on that. In the meantime, no matter how she treats you, still love her. She won't make it easy. She is your child after all." Christine said with a smile.

"What's that mean?" Mike said. Christine had only been joking, but Mike was overly sensitive where Hannah was concerned.

"Mike; simmer down. I am not your enemy in this. I want this fixed too." Christine said quietly. Mike was smart enough to listen.

"Easy for you. She still loves you." Mike said.

"She loves you too. Don't ever think she doesn't. The day that you start thinking she doesn't love you, and she thinks you don't love her, is the day this is all over. It isn't time for you to throw in the towel yet." Christine insisted. From across the room, Mike heard Mason begin fussing and Kaitlyn made her way to them.

"I suppose. It just hurts." Mike said as Kaitlyn handed Mason to Mike. Christine covered herself with a coverup and then settled Mason under it to nurse.

"It'll get better, Daddy! Don't worry so much." Kaitlyn said as she sat down next to Mike and cuddled under his arm. If anything, Mike was thankful for Kaitlyn. At his worst moments, she'd come along with a sweet reassurance. She also had a lot of influence with Hannah. As much as Hannah loved Lucas, she respected and adored Kaitlyn and Kaitlyn was not afraid to use that to her advantage, or to Mike's advantage.

"Thank you, sweetheart. You know, Mom and I don't deserve you; right?" Mike said. Christine gave him a wink. It was something they had discussed. They didn't want Kaitlyn to get passed over as they worried about Hannah and marveled over Mason.

"And we don't deserve you guys. I love you both." Kaitlyn said.

"We love you too, sweetheart." Mike said as he gave Kaitlyn a kiss on top of the head. Just then, Hannah came out of the office area with Doctor Smith.

"We'll need to wait until he's done nursing." Christine told Mike. He nodded at her and stood up to meet Hannah and Doctor Smith. Hannah shockingly took his hand and even leaned into him a bit.

"We visited quite a bit. I do think another appointment with you is in order, next week. You'll need to hear Hannah out. Be prepared." Doctor Smith explained. Mike immediately began dreading the appointment.

"Sure. I'll make the appointment. Thanks, Doc." Mike said. They parted ways, Mike made the appointment and by the time they were done, Christine had finished nursing the baby and Kaitlyn was burping him.

They had driven Mike's truck to the appointment and Mike had to help Hannah up. As he picked her up, Hannah wrapped herself around him, almost like she was afraid to let him go. He exchanged a look with Hannah but gave her a squeeze before sitting her down on the truck seat.

"You okay, sweetie?" Mike asked.

"I'm just tired. Talking to that doctor lady makes me tired." Hannah said.

"When we get home, you can take a nap. Talking to her made me tired too." Mike answered.

"Can…you probably don't want to." Hannah said with a defeated sigh. Mike had put the seat belt around her and made sure Kaitlyn had Mason adjusted in his car seat.

"What, sweetie? I can't do it if I don't know what it is." Mike asked.

"She likes it when you lay down with her on the couch." Kaitlyn said with a smile.

"Is that what you want?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, but you don't want to…" Hannah started.

"I love doing that. I'll just need to help Mom with some stuff around the house. Take the garbage out and help her with the dishes." Mike said.

"I'll do that. You lay down with Hannah." Kaitlyn said. Mike started to argue but he noticed the smile on Hannah's face.

"Alright." Mike said. He shut the truck door and got in the driver's seat. Christine was already settled and reached over and squeezed his knee.

"It's slow going but getting there." Christine said. Mike nodded over at her in agreement and began the drive home.


	15. Chapter 15

**Before Everything**

Chapter 15

Mike hated having to stay quiet while Hannah listed out her complaints and concerns about him. He was angered and frustrated. The bad part was, Christine had to stay home because Kaitlyn had come down with a bad head cold. There was no buffer on the way home. He didn't even have a chance to defend himself. Before it was time to leave, Doctor Smith had her receptionist come in to get Hannah, so she had a few minutes to speak to Mike.

"I know all that was frustrating, and I didn't allow you to defend yourself or interrupt Hannah. I did that for a reason. She knows you're angry and upset. She needs to see in the next week that her words and actions affected you. Next week, you'll have your chance." Dr. Smith explained.

"So, in the meantime?" Mike asked.

"Let her see your pain. About what she said and about Lucas. Obviously, don't mistreat her, not that you would; but let her know, you're hurting. She genuinely believes that her actions and feelings don't matter to you." Dr. Smith continued.

"Alright. I don't really know what good this will do, but alright. I think it caused far more damage." Mike said as he stood up.

"If it did, it gave you something to rebuild from." Dr. Smith said as she shook his hand.

"I hope so. I can't imagine it being any worse." Mike said before walking out of the room. He made the next appointment and collected Hannah. It wasn't until they were in the truck and Mike was pulling out of the parking lot that either of them said a word.

"Daddy, I'm hungry. Can we get something, please?" Hannah asked from the backseat.

"Mom will have lunch when we get home." Mike answered simply. He didn't want to prolong the outing, simply because he needed a buffer between him and Hannah. A week before, he was desperately trying for more time with her.

"Oh." Hannah said simply.

Mike drove the rest of the way home. Christine had sandwiches and soup ready for them, but Mike and Hannah both ate in silence. Kaitlyn was settled on the couch and Mike purposely cuddled close to her, not even giving Hannah the option. Hannah had gone up to her room, and Christine followed her up.

Christine sat down next to Hannah on her bed, knowing that Hannah needed to talk. For a few moments, Hannah was silent. Finally, she began talking.

"I think Daddy really hates me now." Hannah said as she fiddled with her teddy bear.

"I know better. He is upset, frustrated and maybe a bit angry, but he still loves you." Christine answered.

"He hasn't said much since we left Dr. Smith's." Hannah said.

"He may not. Sometimes, when your dad is really upset, he shuts down. I've upset him like this before, and it sometimes takes him a couple days, but he does come around. My advice is, give him room, but tonight when you give me your goodnight kiss, give him one too." Christine said.

"What if he doesn't let me?" Hannah asked.

"I think he will. Hannah, he is hurting, but he is still your dad and he still loves you deeply." Christine said. She stood up and gave Hannah a kiss on the top of the head.

"I think I'll stay up here until supper. I don't think Daddy wants me downstairs." Hannah said.

"I'll come up and check on you. Don't hesitate to come downstairs if you need anything." Christine said before leaving the room.

The rest of the day was quiet. Mike stayed on the couch with Kaitlyn. Christine alternated between holding Mason and checking on Hannah. She had only come downstairs once to get a drink. Mike didn't even look at her.

They ate dinner in near silence, and Hannah went back upstairs after doing her chores. She took her bath and changed into her pajamas without being told to. Hannah came back downstairs to tell them goodnight. Mike was still on the couch, watching a movie with Kaitlyn.

"Don't forget what I said, baby girl." Christine said as she gave Hannah a goodnight kiss. Mike's eyes were glued to the TV.

"I don't want to make him angrier." Hannah whispered.

"You won't." Christine said as she pushed Hannah towards Mike. Hannah was hesitant, but she did give Mike a kiss on the cheek and hugged his neck. Mike did put a hand on her back and patted it.

"Daddy, I know you are really upset at me right now, and I made you sad, but I really do love you. I hope you sleep good." Hannah said.

"Likewise." Mike said. He returned Hannah's kiss and patted her shoulder again. Christine passed Mason over to him and followed Hannah upstairs to tuck her in. As Christine adjusted the blankets around Hannah and gave her a kiss, Hannah spoke up.

"Mommy, what does likewise mean?" Hannah asked.

"In this case, it means that your daddy hopes you sleep good and he loves you too." Christine explained.

"Oh. Why couldn't he just say that?" Hannah asked.

"Because sometimes, saying I love you is hard, even though you love someone with all your heart. Your dad just said that word because saying I love you is a little difficult. He did hug and kiss you back." Christine said.

"Yeah, he did." Hannah said.

"You know, if you wanted to, you could always come in with us tonight. Sleep in between us." Christine hinted.

"Would Daddy let me?" Hannah asked.

"Just come in later and say you can't sleep." Christine said.

"Okay. I might." Hannah agreed.

"Goodnight, sweet pea. Get some rest and remember Daddy loves you." Christine said before giving her another kiss. She could only hope that Hannah believed her, and Mike could process everything.


	16. Chapter 16

**Before Everything**

Chapter 16

It was a hard week. The more Mike stewed on what Hannah said, the angrier he got. Not only at her, but mostly at her. He was also a little angry at himself. He did everything he could to distance himself for her and had made an appointment with Dr. Smith the day before his appointment with Hannah. As angry as he was at her, he didn't want to subject her to it. He wanted to protect her from himself.

Christine did her best to moderate and once Kaitlyn began feeling better, she helped. It was just hard. The girls had gone to play in the backyard and Christine was nursing Mason, when they both heard Kaitlyn scream.

"Mike; what was that?" Christine asked as she stood up. It was still a little cool out and Mike made the snap decision to check on the girls, leaving Christine and Mason inside.

"I don't know. I'll go check. You stay in." Mike said as he stepped through the French Doors. They had a large backyard with a bit of a forest. There were all kinds of areas for the kids to play in, including a stream. Mike didn't immediately see the girls until Kaitlyn raised up.

"Dad! Hannah slipped on the rocks. I can't wake her up. Help!" Kaitlyn yelled. Mike immediately ran towards them. Sure enough, Hannah was laying on the bank of the stream, face down.

"What happened?" Mike asked.

"I was picking flowers for Mom. I had my back turned. When I turned back around, Hannah was face down in the creek. I can only guess she fell in, because there's blood on her cheek." Kaitlyn explained.

"Alright, run in and tell Mom to call an ambulance. She is unconscious. I think she is breathing, but I'm not certain. She has a laceration on her temple." Mike ordered and Kaitlyn nodded before she ran off.

Mike had basic medical training. What he didn't tell Kaitlyn was that Hannah was not breathing. He would tell the paramedics later, but he didn't want to scare his wife or older daughter. He hit Hannah hard on the back three times, and on the third hit, she began coughing water up. He immediately turned her back over and began assessing her. Sure enough, she had a laceration on her forehead, and was coughing.

"It hurts!" Hannah cried out.

"I know, baby. Help will be here soon enough. Let me carry you inside where its warm. Your clothes are wet." Mike said as he gently picked Hannah up. He knew better because in her fall, she might have hurt her spine. "Does your back or neck hurt?" Mike asked before he had hefted her up completely.

"No. Just my head and it hurts when I breathe." Hannah said.

"Alright. Let's get you inside." Mike said.

"Why? You don't care?" Hannah asked. Mike paused for a second and shut his eyes in pain. He was still angry but that had not factored in when he was trying to make Hannah breathe again.

"I do, honey. Just relax." Mike said as he carried her inside. Christine was still on the phone with the 911 operator and gave her an update before she hung up the phone.

"Oh, Thank God!" Christine exclaimed.

"We need to get these clothes off her. Kaitlyn can you go upstairs and get her some warm pajamas?" Mike asked.

"Yeah." Kaitlyn said as she bounded up the steps, two at a time.

"My head hurts, Mommy!" Hannah cried out. Christine wrapped her arms around Hannah and began rocking her back and forth.

"Its okay. We'll get you to the doctor and they'll make it all better." Christine said.

"Chris, you can ride in ambulance. I'll follow you with Kaitlyn and Mason." Mike said as he walked to the front door to let the paramedics in and explained what had happened.

Within a few minutes, Hannah was changed into dry clothes, moved to the ambulance, and had an IV placed to relax her. Christine was able to ride in the back and Kaitlyn got Mason bundled up and in his car seat.

Mike's mind was racing all the way to the hospital and Kaitlyn could tell. Mason was fussy, never having been away from Christine and Kaitlyn was sitting in the back with him.

"I know Mom doesn't want to use a pacifier, but how do I calm him down?" Kaitlyn asked.

"Just keep talking to him." Mike answered.

"Dad, are you mad at me now? Like you are with Hannah?" Kaitlyn asked.

"No, honey. It was an accident." Mike said.

"Well, the Red Flu wasn't an accident, but it was hardly Hannah's fault that Lucas died, and she didn't. If you don't get this fixed, worse things will happen to Hannah then a fall in the creek, and I don't know if you could live with yourself if that happened." Kaitlyn said. Normally, sweet Kaitlyn was never so outspoken. She was even-tempered and had the sweetest heart. Mike and Christine often joked that she must have been exchanged for another baby at the hospital. Her personality was nothing like Mike or Christine's. They were blessed to have her.

"I know, sweetie. I just don't know how to fix it." Mike answered.

"Stop overthinking it. I get the counseling, but you are holing yourself and Hannah into thinking that is the only solution. I don't think Hannah fell into the creek to get your attention, but why can't you use it to your advantage? Hannah was hanging onto you for dear life. Probably because you hadn't really hugged her or anything all week." Kaitlyn continued.

"I had hugged her." Mike argued.

"You hugged her, but you didn't hug her with your heart." Kaitlyn said. Mike looked back in the rearview mirror, in complete confusion and then it dawned on him what she was saying.

"And that is what I've been doing since I got you guys back?" Mike asked.

"With Hannah, yes. I think you've been okay with Mom, me and Mason." Kaitlyn said. They were pulling into the hospital parking lot and Mike was finally understanding something better than what the counselor said the week before.

"I see, sweetie. Thank you." Mike told her after he found a parking spot and helped her get Mason out of the backseat of the SUV. As soon as he was in Mike's arms, he calmed down and snuggled up to Mike.

Mike led them into the emergency room, and immediately caught sight of Christine. She was sitting on an exam bed with Hannah and holding her while the doctor stitched up the laceration on Hannah's head.

"No concussion and her lungs are clear of water. Just stitching her up now. Thankfully, they weren't busy and got her in immediately." Christine explained.

"That's good. Sweetie, how do you feel?" Mike asked.

"Tired and cold." Hannah said.

"I think tonight will be a cuddle night." Christine remarked.

"Please?" Hannah begged.

"Of course." Mike answered.

"That'll just be what the doctor ordered. Just keep an eye on her. Monitor her breathing and bring her back if she starts vomiting. The scans don't show a concussion. See, Hannah; all done. Wasn't so bad since I never let you see the needle, right?" The doctor asked and Hannah nodded.

"Mike; I can take him if you want to sign whatever paperwork?" Christine offered and Mike gave Mason to her. He signed the paperwork and went and got the SUV so Hannah wouldn't have to walk too far. He would have carried her, but Hannah was independent.

On the way home; Christine rode in the backseat with Mason and Hannah, while Kaitlyn sat in the front. By the time that they pulled into their driveway, Hannah was sound asleep.

"I hate to wake her up." Christine said as Mike helped her out of the SUV.

"I'll carry her." Mike said as he went to the other side, handed Kaitlyn his house key and very gently picked Hannah up. Like Mason had done at the hospital, she snuggled into his chest. Once they were in the house, Mike headed for the couch. "I want to hold her. I know you do too, but please?" Mike asked Christine.

"Of course. Just lay down with her. I'll cover both of you up and take your shoes off." Christine agreed. Within just a few moments, she had both Mike and Hannah's shoes off and a blanket over both of them.

"Thanks. I'm kind of hoping if she wakes up like this, it might prove something to her." Mike remarked.

"It will. Mason is also asleep. I'm going to start dinner. Kaitlyn will help me. You just relax." Christine said before kissing the top of Hannah's head and Mike's cheek.

Mike laid on the couch, holding Hannah all evening. She woke up a few times, but snuggled even closer to Mike, obviously needing to be held. Thankfully, Christine and Kaitlyn understood. Christine was putting dinner on the table when Hannah woke up again.

"Daddy; you're holding me." Hannah said into his chest.

"Yes, sweetie. How are you feeling? Mom is putting dinner on the table." Mike asked.

"Still tired and cold but you are all warm. It feels good." Hannah admitted.

"You need to eat, but once we get done, we can lay back down like this and Mom and I are already figuring you will sleep with us tonight." Mike said as he raised up. He could tell Hannah was a little dizzy and light-headed, so he took it slow.

"Why are you doing all this?" Hannah asked.

"Because…because I love you. Because your fall in the creek scared me. For a moment, I had to imagine what my life would be without you in it, and I didn't like it. Sweetie, I don't know how to fix all this between us, but this can't go on. Kaitlyn told me that I was hugging you, but I wasn't hugging you with my heart. That's a little confusing." Mike remarked.

"It feels like you're hugging me with your heart right now." Hannah said. She had cuddled back up close to Mike and wrapped her arms around him.

"I am. We'd better get up and eat though, before we both get in trouble with Mom." Mike said before giving Hannah a kiss on the cheek.

"What did she make?" Hannah asked while jumping off Mike's lap.

"Smells like soup and cornbread." Mike answered.

"Cornbread and syrup!" Hannah said. It was one of her favorite things and something Mike and she always shared.

"That's the plan." Mike agreed as they sat down at the table. Food was passed around and the blessing was said. Mason was in his swing, happily watching his mobile and for the first time in a while, the meal was eaten with no tension.


	17. Chapter 17

**Before Everything**

Chapter 17

The next day, Mike went to his appointment with Dr. Smith alone. He and Hannah had done better since his fall, talking more, cuddling a lot and there was no tension. It was like they had finally broke the ice, but Mike didn't want things to freeze back over. Mike explained the accident to Dr. Smith and waited for her advice, which didn't seem very sound.

"As bad as it sounds, this needed to happen with Hannah. She sees you as her rescuer." Dr. Smith said.

"I didn't pull her from the stream. Kaitlyn did that." Mike argued.

"She doesn't remember that. What she remembers is you being there when she woke up, keeping her warm and holding her all last night." Dr. Smith said.

"Isn't it what any father would do? I did feel like I was hogging her a bit, but Christine didn't seem to mind." Mike asked.

"She didn't mind because she knew you and Hannah needed that time. I'm sure she didn't go too far." Dr. Smith answered as she fiddled with her pen.

"Before, I was still really angry at Hannah. Now that seems like it is just gone." Mike commented.

"Its not gone. You can't act as if it doesn't exist. It still has to be addressed but it has tapered. If not, it will rear its ugly head again." Dr. Smith said.

"I can see that." Mike agreed.

"Alright, we are going to get to the crux of all this. I think it is a resentment from long before the Red Flu. Did you want another girl after having your oldest daughter?" Dr. Smith asked.

"I always wanted a big family." Mike answered.

"Didn't answer my question. Some men feel emasculated by having multiple daughters. Granted, at the time of Hannah's birth, you had a boy as well." Dr. Smith explained.

"I never had a problem with my daughter's gender. She's my baby girl." Mike said defensively.

"But you would have preferred a boy?" Dr. Smith asked.

"I had a boy! Have one now too. Doc, what the hell are you doing?" Mike asked.

"Let me ask this. If Hannah had died instead of Lucas, would you have mourned her?" Dr. Smith asked.

"Of course." Mike answered.

"You would have missed her the way you miss Lucas?" Dr. Smith continued.

"Yes." Mike answered.

"So, why did you resent her initially? Why did you allow her to go through those medical tests?" Dr. Smith asked.

"Because we had to come up with a cure that could be transmitted from human to human and Hannah was immune. She saved millions of lives. The only price she paid was some discomfort. I was with her every step of the way." Mike answered.

"That didn't answer the full question. Why did you resent her? More so, do you still?" Dr. Smith pressed on.

"I think my initial reaction was very misconstrued. I had just found out my son had died. Was in the middle of the Arctic and couldn't help my wife or my daughters and felt helpless." Mike said.

"I would say that it probably got overblown, but there is a basis for it. So, we have determined that you may not have resented Hannah for being a girl, and you feel justified in your actions after the Red Flu. You can not fault Hannah for having hurt feelings though. She is just a little girl without your coping mechanisms. She is grieving for her twin brother. But in some ways, she is grieving for her father too." Dr. Smith remarked.

"What do you mean? I'm alive." Mike asked.

"I mean that she lost the closeness that you and she shared at one time. When I spoke with her, she mentioned that when you hugged her, it felt stiff and because her mom was making you." Dr. Smith said.

"My older daughter made a remark that while I've hugged Hannah, I haven't hugged her with my heart. That sounds like what your implying." Mike said.

"I think deep down you harbor some hard feelings where Hannah is concerned, but I also think Hannah's fall was a wake-up call for you. The trick is going to be if you can keep those hard feelings at bay or let go of them altogether." Dr. Smith said.

"I still haven't figured out why I would have hard feelings." Mike said.

"When a parent loses a child, sometimes they have to have someone or something to fixate their anger on. You and your wife have a complex relationship, but you love her with all of your heart. Your older daughter is an absolute joy. Who could be angry at her? But with Hannah, she is more like you and sometimes parents have the hardest time with the child most like them. They see the parts of them that they don't much care for." Dr. Smith said as she stood up.

"Hannah has her good points." Mike said.

"So, focus on those. Write them down if need be. Give her a hug with your heart." Dr. Smith said.

"See you tomorrow?" Mike asked. It was his session with Hannah.

"Yep. You'll have your say tomorrow." Dr. Smith said with a smile. They shook hands and Mike headed home, thinking about all that Dr. Smith had said. She had made a point, Hannah was a lot like him, and sometimes that grated on his last nerve. But, how did he fix it?


	18. Chapter 18

**Before Everything**

Chapter 18

As Mike suspected, Hannah's hostility reappeared in time for the appointment with Dr. Smith. Christine came with them and would be in the appointment with Mike and Hannah, more to keep the peace.

Mike had thought long and hard about what he would say. He had to fix his relationship with Hannah. They simply could not go on as they had been. It wasn't just affecting him or Hannah. It was affecting Christine, Kaitlyn and Mason; and they were completely innocent.

Dr. Smith gave Hannah the same speech that she had given Mike about letting Mike speak, not interrupting, not getting in a huff about what he said. Mike and Christine were sitting on the couch and Hannah was in one of the armchairs. Her feet didn't even come close to touching the floor and her forehead was still bandaged from her fall a few days before. To Mike, it made her seem that much more innocent looking.

"Hannah, remember the rules. Your dad respected you enough to allow you to talk last week. I ask that you do the same with him." Dr. Smith said from her own armchair next to Hannah's. Christine gave Mike's hand a squeeze and a smile of encouragement.

"Hannah; you think since Lucas died and you didn't, I blame you. Somehow, you were unique, and I thank God for that. If it had been you instead, I promise, I would have been just as devastated. It has nothing to do with you being a girl. Initially, yes; I was angry. Not at you though, even though it seemed like it. I was angry at myself for not being home when you all needed me. I was mad at the Navy. I was angry at a lot of things, but you, Mom, Katie and Lucas were never on the list. I didn't handle things well and I regret letting you go through all those medical tests. I thought if you could help the scientists find a cure, it would be worth it. I was completely wrong. It helped the scientists, and it saved a lot of people, but it did nothing good for my relationship with you, so to me it wasn't worth the trouble it caused." Mike said. Throughout the time he was talking, Hannah's body language had changed several times. Initially she had been defensive. As Mike's emotions had come though, she had leaned closer and watched the tears fall down his face.

"Is there anything else?" Dr. Smith asked as she handed him a tissue.

"Just that I love you, Hannah." Mike said.

"I do have something I want to add. Hannah, I was the one that brought up your dad resenting you and using you as lab rat as a sort of punishment. You overheard us. I may have said it, but as your dad said; he was never angry at you. At the time, I was a little angry at your dad for not being home and not being there when Lucas needed him. I'm not now but it came through when it said those things. I said it to hurt him, because I was angry too. Everything that happened was beyond our control, because if your dad hadn't consented, Dr. Scott could have taken custody of you and done whatever she wanted. I know for a fact, there were things your dad stopped. He wanted to be there for every test and procedure. If we had not allowed them to do it, they would have simply taken you from us and then we couldn't have been there. I know that your dad being there when I was still so sick was a comfort to you and I am certainly glad he wanted to be. Hannah, if you must be angry; be angry at me. I am the one that started all this to begin with." Christine said. Mike hated that she was trying to shift the blame onto herself, but the cat was out of the bag.

"I don't think anger is a good emotion at this point and Hannah, when you and I spoke; you said you were tired of being mad. Remember?" Dr. Smith asked.

"Yeah." Hannah answered.

"And you told me that you wanted to something else. I think this is the right time for that." Dr. Smith said. She gave Hannah a small nod of encouragement.

"But what if he doesn't want it?" Hannah asked in a scared voice. Mike and Dr. Smith exchanged a look and Mike nodded.

"Hannah, whatever it is; I am sure it will be just fine." Mike told her.

Hannah threw herself at Mike and wrapped her arms around him. Mike was a little confused but pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. Even Christine was confused. Mike could feel and hear Hannah cry into his chest.

"Its okay, sweetie. Just let it out." Mike said.

"Some of Hannah's issue is not so different then the two of you. She was angry for Lucas dying and took it out on you. Not so different then either of you. She was afraid that you wouldn't forgive her." Dr. Smith explained. Mike pulled away from Hannah and tipped her chin up, so she was looking at him.

"You are too much like me for your own good. Hannah, you don't have to worry about me forgiving you. We are all at a loss where your brother is concerned. We all loved him…still love him and miss him every second. He would not want us here like this. He would want us to be happy and laughing; not miserable and angry at each other. So, while I don't have anything to forgive you for, you have a great deal to forgive me for. So, for Lucas, what do you say we just call it even and be done with it?" Mike asked and Hannah nodded vigorously about the same time her stomach rumbled. She was hungry.

"You hungry?" Christine asked.

"Yes." Hannah said simply. She was hugging Mike again and Dr. Smith laughed.

"There is a deli down the street. Its pretty good. I eat there a lot and it is open. Now, early on, I gave you the advice to set up some sort of memorial for Lucas. It can be a headstone, or a scholarship, or really anything. My advice is that you don't do it at your home. Reason being is if you do that it can become a sort of shrine and will give you no distance from his death. I realize that sounds terrible, because you don't want to be right now, but there will come a point that you will think of Lucas everyday and smile and laugh, where right now, when you think of Lucas, all you think about is his death, not his life." Dr. Smith said.

"That makes sense. I've been looking at stones and things. We can have pictures of him, though?" Christine asked.

"Absolutely, have pictures. Talk about him, laugh and do cry but put one foot in front of the other. Somedays, his favorite holiday, his birthday or just a random August 4th, the memories will come back, and they will be enough to suffocate you all, but those days will be outnumbered by the days that you can smile." Dr. Smith advised.

"Do we need to come back?" Mike asked. Hannah was still on his lap and had wrapped her arms around his neck.

"That is up to you. I suggest you do, because honestly, you all have a lot on your plates, but it would no longer be a requirement." Dr. Smith said. Christine stood up and grabbed her purse. Hannah scooted off Mike's lap so he could stand up. He took her hand and smiled down at her.

"Thanks, Doc. Let's get this girl something to eat." Mike said. They all stepped out of the doctor's office and into the lobby.

"I'm hungry too. I'm the one breastfeeding." Christine remarked as Mike set up his next appointment. Dr. Smith laughed in response.

"I take it the new baby likes to eat?" Dr. Smith asked.

"Constantly. Cluster feeding all the time. I feel bad for our friend who is watching him. Or Kaitlyn. Not sure who I feel sorrier for." Christine responded.

"Its good to take a break from all that too. It would become overwhelming if not." Dr. Smith advised.

"I understand. Thankfully, Mason is a good baby other than the cluster feedings." Christine said.

"That's good. Hannah, what do you think of Mason?" Dr. Smith asked. Both Mike and Christine gave her a nervous look. Hannah was not a fan of the new baby and had become intensely jealous.

"He is okay. He doesn't look like an alien now and Daddy says that as he gets bigger, he'll be more fun. Right now, all he does is sleep and eat from Mom's boobie." Hannah said. Now Mike and Christine were embarrassed as they were in the lobby and Hannah was not soft spoken.

"He'll change every day and he'll be a fun playmate very soon. Just give him a chance." Dr. Smith said.

"He needs to hurry up. I'm afraid if I hold him, I'll break him. I'm clumsy and I drop stuff all the time." Hannah announced. Everyone in the lobby began laughing.

"I'm sure your parents would help you. I'd better get to my next appointment. Enjoy lunch!" Dr. Smith said before she left them, and Mike and Christine got Hannah out of the lobby before Hannah completely embarrassed them.

Andrea was watching Mason with Kaitlyn's help, so Mike and Christine took Hannah out for lunch. Before the Red-Flu, they had always made a point to make one on one time with their kids, but it was something they neglected for a while. Hannah was excited for the time alone with her parents and was very talkative. Time would tell if they were past all the anger and frustration. Mike could only hope so.

**I am debating on rather to keep this story going to reflect the series or to wrap it up. Readership has been down since the show ended. **


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